New Post

Sorry for the lack of a better title:P ahaha. Oh well, some people has been asking me if I've updated my blog yet.. or subtly hint: "u've not updated ur blog in a while.." ahaha. Yes2 i get what you mean:P

Anyways, by right, i should talk about my Graduation Day and Dinner. But it's been so loong and quite tiring and at the same time I'm quite relieved that it's over in the sense that there's no more of that apprehensive feeling whether things will go right or not. I mean, I'm glad that it went well. A lot of smiles and tears in the day... but overall, it was good:)

Ahmad says this holiday will be like.. my last ever holiday, thus i must enjoy it:P Ahaha. Oh well, during my Form 5 when I was having my exams, Kausar introduced me to One Litre of Tears, this japanese drama and it's like.. on every Saturday evening. And I couldn't quite follow it because either I had plans or something and when I watched it, I was already halfway through the series.. Ahaha. So I told myself that I would be patient and watch all the dramas I want after my Form 5. After my IGCSE. Ahaha. And true enough, for these past .. umm.. Since november *gasp* I have been watching japanese, korean, taiwanese dramas. No thanks to Aki for having the dramas and making me watch them. And also for introducing me to the website!!>_< Now i have become addicted which is no good. Seriously.
So a lot of the plots are the same... I like to watch them because I guess u can say it's cute and also the way the story develops is pretty unique:P ahaha. Hmm.. u can say that it's pretty slow at some parts. I have to admit *with apologies to Aki* that I always skip to the end when I'm halfway through the drama. It's either it's really so boring and I need to know the ending. Or it's so good that I HAVE to know the ending. The suspense kills me.

THere's a PC fair coming up here and I thought of getting a Graphics Tablet due to a few reasons. One, i need to distract myself from... myself. Ahaha. From watching too many dramas and wallowing myself in selfpity:P And secondly, i told myself i would upgrade my critical thinking skills or public speaking skills and all.. but when i started to read on ahmad's critical thinking book, i absolutely cannot go on. I have no idea why. Maybe I just have no interest or maybe the book is too difficult for me that i LOSE interest. Ahaha. So i told myself I have to get at least one skill this holiday so I thought since drawing is my absolute hobby, might as well bring it up to a new level!:D My dad says fine and I have to get it with my own money since I'm working anyways. I'm the only one out of my siblings who is working at the moment. Ahaha.
Actually, it seems that my oldest bro is more excited about getting a graphics tablet than I am:P Ahaha. He did all the research and everything and even found articles and stuffs. So now I'm opting for a Wacom Intuos or a Wacom Graphire. most likely a graphire though. I'm comforting myself by saying that I would do my very best and can produce an artwork as professional as an Intuos when using a Graphire:P

I've considered getting a graphics tablet since the very beginning but I thought I wouldnt use it much because i would start University soon and it's not like I'm going to take graphics designing or anything. I'm opting for medicine and as much as I CAN do like heart diagrams and everything, i don't think medicine requires much of the use of a graphics tablet. But oh well, it's an investment. Who knows it'll come in handy some day...

So in conclusion, instead of spending hours with pencil and paper, I would be spending hours with a stylus and the computer:P ahahaha. I have only 1 more page til I finish my sketchbook!:D so it's a good err..closing? ahahaha. It took me 3 years to finish drawing in it. Ahaha. I can't help it, the paper is so nice and smooth, I just can't start drawing in it unless I feel total inspiration so that I would draw something nice. And so because of that, it's taken soo long for me to fill it up. But then someone got mad at me and so i started drawing in it no matter what, even if i don't feel total inspiration and finally, it is done:) With a mixture of my total inspired and not-so-totally inspired drawings. Ahaha.

So here, a loooong post. Chalga:D

~nadhirah
one fifty two post meridiem
eleventh april two thousand eight

Graduation Preparation

Anyunghasaeyo!:D

Who would have thought that grad preparations would take soo much work?>_< With the fundraising and decors and approvals and performance pratices and the getting-together stuffs. It is absolutely not easy, I tell you.

I was quite surprised when I found out that most schools do their graduation ceremony before they take their exams. Plus, their graduation ceremony is like.. only one event which just consists of dinner and the scroll-taking thing. Unlike ours which involves gifts, practices, two ceremonies and everything. I guess it's just trying to pull us all together to do one last thing before we go our separate ways... hihi.

As far as I can see, the preparations are okay and things are going well I suppose. But as always, you can't please everyone and by the end of the ceremony, for sure there are some things which would be unsatisfactory. I will apologize beforehand (to whom? Who knows:P ahaha) and tell them that If i try to please everyone, I will end up pleasing no one. So if most of it is good, then just focus on that. Even if something is 99% good, and 1% unsatisfactory, some people would still see that 1% more than the 99%. and when they do say that, I will say: Those who mind won't matter and those who matter won't mind. Ahaha.

I'm making excuses for myself incase something doesn't work out that night:P

In the end, i did my best.. InsyaAllah...lol.

Basyak!

~nadhirah
ten twenty nin post meridiem
twenty ninth march two thousand eight

Being brave

Pretend to be brave even when you feel you're not. You'll get through it sooner or later.

I came across this 'advice' when I was reading a book the other day at Little Olive. These weren't the exact words but the idea is somewhat similar.

I can relate this to a few experiences I had in my secondary schooling. Every year, we have Leadership or Prefect or Syabab Fattayat Camps. I really don't mind attending if not for one thing: Night Walks.

Those who had to hear my ramblings and complaints and fear of night walks would remember how scared I had been. Well, a few of my friends comforted me... a few laughed at me (LOL)...some people just aren't plain scared (I don't know how that could be). I had one friend who always make fun of my first night walk. Another friend told me ghost stories of what happened during night walks while we were on the bus towards our destination. I would be the only one freaking out and sitting far far away from them. There was only one person though who really made me feel better.. after that, my night walks became less scary.

Anyway, every time before a night walk, I would be extremely freaked out. Imagining being alone in the thick jungle... Wondering what my fate would be.. what unexpected events would happen. What if an animal jumps out? What if I get lost from the trail? What if I see 'something'? What if I slip or trip and roll down the hill and break my leg and no one can find me until the next day? My imaginations can go so wild, I would already be shaking while lining up to go for the night walk. My legs would feel like jelly and I wouldn't be able to think properly. There would be like a burst of extreme adrenaline rush.

However, I wouldn't admit to everyone that I was scared. Some juniors whenever they spoke of their fear to go, I would just say "It's okay:)" (eventhough it's not). When people would talk about how scary it is, I would just keep quiet and try to compose myself. Exercise deep breathing. Read Qur'an ayat a million times. Tell myself everything would be fine (which is always the case after every night walk). I know that there are fascilitators around the trail and that the organizers would be held seriously responsible if anything happened to me. But that didn't help at all. I remember that when I meet an 'fascilitator' on the track, when she spoke to me, I couldn't even reply properly; my voice came out all... high and more forceful than I had intended.

Ahaha. Well, after every night walk, I would feel so proud of myself for being able to make it through. And I would say: That wasn't so bad after all. And I would laugh at myself... until the next night walk.

So in conclusion! Pretend to be brave even when you're not. It really does help.

~nadhirah
eleventh march two thousand eight
nine fourteen post meridiem

Childhood friends

I have decided to write this post since someone asked why I didn't write about him. Ahaha. So you'd better read this. First of all, there are soo many things to write about, so it's not easy to write about EVERYTHING. But of course, this subject requires a special post since it is a big part of my life.

So this is about my childhood friend(s). I met Nadz in Oman when I was in Primary 2. Since Asians were the minority and since we were practically the only ones with a scarf, we stuck together for so long. We slept over at each other's houses so often, I guess I can say her house is like my second home. Ahaha. We used to go down Wadis and sometimes we go to the same places when we're holidaying like for example Nizwa and the ummm... I forgot what the Omani small streams are called... But yeah. Ahaha.
At school we were in the same class. Always hanging out during break. During the month of Ramadhan, we'd be doing our work during eating time.
She shared so many childhood fantasies with me... Nadz is the crazy type of person, always able to make me laugh. She's also the petite and sweet type. She's a year younger than me, yet she's already taking her Alevels. But that's because her Olevels is only in MayJune and not in OctNov. That's why:P
We meet about once in two years now since she's all the way on the other side of the world!>_<

Owh, and here's a short something for ryu-chan. Ahaha. I don't really know ryu-chan eventhough we've known each for 5 years in Oman. Since he's Nadz's lil bro, he's always around whenever I come over. and since he's safi's really close friend, he comes over to our house often too. The other day, I saw him through the webcam and I was soo surprised. Ahaha. He's already 16 but in my mind, it's always the young and small 11-year-old ryu-chan. I'm so sorry but that's the way it is. lol. Don't take it to heart k? It's been like.. 2 years since we met and he's sure had a growth spurt (hear that ryu-chana?:P) Well, now he is an anime/manga fanatic, like me. But kesian sngt Saudi doesn't have much manga. Ahaha. You'd be so mesmerized when you come over to Malaysia's bookstores!:D Ryu-chan is also a crazy sort of person. Always making me laugh with boundless energy. That was in the past. Now he also makes me laugh through all his over-exaggerated icons. lol.

My dad has a childhood friend since Primary 1 and they even stayed together throughout til Secondary school. In their university days, they both went to the States and even til now, they keep in touch and we visit them sometimes. To me, that is VERY VERY cool having a friend for about 40 years.

I hope it'll be that way yeah Nadz and ryu-chan?:)

Ahaha.

Take care you guys.

~nadhirah
eleven o four post meridiem
twenty first february two thousand eight

Words...

Some things are better left unsaid.

When I think about it, sometimes I'm not so sure whether to have a situation explained or it's better to just keep quiet. I wonder what actually matters the most... Is it that the other person doesn't get hurt? Is it that you convey what's inside you? More than often, the situation varies; and in the end, you just follow what's in your heart because there is almost never a correct answer. Or at least I think so.

There is a past in everyone's lives they rather not look at. I've always told myself to be brave and face it. For some reason, I've survived it these past few years. I don't understand why suddenly now I can't face it anymore; I feel like it's so useless to figure it out. All those times I thought of ways to talk it out, took action to understand, endured it when it hurt. And now suddenly when it's so easy to solve it, I just feel so tired of everything, I feel like running away from it. Ahaha. Life is kinda funny that way. It's that your goal is RIGHT at the corner after the most difficult obstacle or when you want to give up.

Once my mom gave this really inspiring speech, I remembered this one point the most: Do you want to win or be happy?
As much as all my thoughts is that I can keep this up so I can win, I still think that the most important thing is be happy. One day when I look back at this, I don't want to regret I took the wrong decision. In this case, there IS a wrong decision. Why not just go for it? I won't lose. No one loses if I decide to talk it out.

In the end, I think in a friendship, you just don't have to win all the time. It's better to say you were wrong eventhough it wasn't your fault. Ahaha.

~nadhirah
ten forty two post meridiem
twenty first january two thousand eight

Teaching

After not writing for so long, it feels weird to actually be writing again. I initially wanted to delete this blog but because SOMEONE 'begged' me not to, therefore I have decided against it. I thought I'd just keep this and not write anything inside but then SOMEONE asked why I've not been updating so yeah yeah, here it is.

I'm working now at an English tuition center near my home. All the students who come there are Koreans except for this really cute 5 year old boy (he's Malaysian). A good thing I have been watching hours of Korean drama, thus whenever I hear them speak, I'm quite used to it and I even learn a bit more of the language:D ahaha. They are naughty... but pleasurable to teach. I never thought that teaching English would be so hard! I mean, I'm quite used to english and everything but the thing about DELIVERING seems to be the problem. Especially for me, when I studied English, I never actually looked at it as something 'segmented'. I mean English actually has nouns, pronouns, adjective, adverbs, conjunctions, modal etc. And for example, noun is divided into common, proper, abstract, gender, countable uncountable, quantifiers, determiners and all that. And for adjectives, they have possessive, quantitative and all those things and I was so shocked looking through the grammar book. For me, I've sorta always seen it as a whole. So then before each class, I have to prepare the night before AND an hour early to know what I'm teaching. Ahaha. As many people know, English is an extremely funny language. Like for example, the singular he she it requires 's' at the end of the present tense verb as the subject verb agreement. and the plural we they requires no 's'. But then how about I and you? I plays you plays. Ahaha. If nobody (especially that SOMEONE) doesn't get it, that's fine. lol. Or plural of mouse is mice but house is houses; not hice. So yeah, at times I just have to say to my students: You just gotta memorize it.

Before every class, I'd feel so apprehensive. And after I'm done teaching them, I'm so elated, I feel like I've won a battle!:D Ahaha.

The best feeling of a teacher is if her student understands what she's trying to articulate and is improving. And the most troubled feeling is if the student is uninterested and don't want to learn at all. But alhamdulillah, all my students are really dedicated. I learnt that most of them come to Malaysia solely for education. Some of their parents aren't even here as they're still in Korea.

There was this one boy who made me really so impressed with his dedication and will to study and learn. At the end of the day, I think that it is the student who also teaches.

So, slowly I'm learning how to teach. Teaching is a life-long learning. Ahaha. What a play of words.

~nadhirah
ten eighteen post meridiem
twenty first february two thousand eight

soul searching

Sometimes I wish I can run though a huge grassy field and keep running and running forever til I'm out of breath and my legs can't move on any more.

Or maybe rather just fly a kite:)

~nadhirah
eleven twenty three ante meridiem
second february two thousand eight