My Birth Place (continued)

Okay, so in Parit Bagan (which is sort of the 'street' where my grandma's house is) there are many other relatives there. I have to admit I don't know many of them. Sometimes I know the name but can't place the face and vice versa. Hihi. But the relative I know most (in comparison to others) is my Nek Ngah. She is my grandaunt; more specifically, my late paktok's brother's wife:) Her house is directly infront of my kampung house.

I remember her always because whenever we came back for Raya, she would say, "Oooh inilah anak yang lahir di sini eh?" or something like that. Hehe. I would just smile. But yeah, she's the midwife who helped my mom with her delivery when my mom was giving birth to me:) Plus, she knows my name^^

To me, Nek Ngah is really chatty and I really like it when I'm around her. Ahaha. Sometimes I can't understand what she says because she talks so fast in Malay and she has a way of speaking which I can't really catch onto the words. Nevertheless, I still enjoy listening to her talk. It's intriguing. Once, I slept over there with my cousin kak byd and she really made us feel at home:) Now, whenever I go back, she'd always ask when I'm going to sleep over again.

So that's about my Nek Ngah:)

~nadhirah
six twenty seven post meridiem
twenty seventh december two thousand seven

My Birth Place

My kampung. Batu Pahat, Johor. My birth place. It is completely awesomeXD Made entirely out of wood. Well, mostly actually. Over these past few years, it has been renovated so the kitchen now consists of cement and tiles and bricks... so yeah. It's been my grandparents' for more than half a century!

I was born there. INSIDE that very house, inside my mom's room. Ahaha. Really! My mom had a midwife because at that time there aren't doctors within the mile so they had to resort to that. If I were to talk about my johor kampung, it can go on forever and ever:P so I'll try to condense it a bit here... hihi.

Since the house is made out of wood, it gets really cold at night and we'd have to snuggle into the comforter. It's a natural aircond and can be REALLY2 freezing in the middle of the night! Also, it can be really scary. When you wake up in the middle of the night and everyone is still sleeping, you can hear the frightening silence. Every single rustle of the leaves or the click-clacking that the lizards make. I just pretend I'm asleep again... hihihi.

As can be seen, the house is on stilts. My late Paktok used to rest under the house. There's a wooden bed and a bangku for a pillow. And he just stays down there to sleep or read the papers. When I was small enough to fit under there (while standing), I used to lie down with him because it's so cool and windy. But it IS sort of scary to go down there because on the ceiling, there are cobwebs and all types of creepy crawlies!>_<

Behind the house is just thick dense forest. Now it's a bit cleared because some cows have been grazing there. There's a huge field infront and there's a shed behind the house. There's an old bicycle parked there, rusting now, since no one has been using it.We used to ride on it since it was the only thing available to play with outside and my Maknek used to always scream "Jangan bawak laju2 sangat!!!" or "Tengok betul2 jalan!". Ahaha.
She used to ride it every morning to the Simpang (literally translated as junction). The Simpang is where there are many convenience shops and places where they sell fresh veggies and meat and fish (straight from the sea).
When I was small, my Maknek would usually smuggle (really!) me to the shops so that I can get any toys or jajan (treats). It happens a lot whenever we balik kampung^^ once, we travelled on bus all the way to the Bandar where she brought me to this photo shop so that she could get a portrait of my and her. That's a lil bit about my grandma.

Anyways, in the day, we'd be running around at the field (like for this raya, we had a water fight). If not, mostly watch TV (Malaysian TV!!!>_<) or eat (my grandma cooks LAVISHLY whenever we come back) or sleep.

Moving on, this is the Rambutan tree just behind my kampung house:D my mom told me that when she was young, the branches are so long, the rambutan fruits almost touch the ground and it can be plucked off and eaten right there:) When i was young, my grannma always ensures there are 2 bucketfuls whenever we come back. In oman, 6 rambutan fruits cost almost RM20!!(or maybe more) and it's imported so it's not fresh. A few years back, my uncles installed a swing there. I'm not so sure what happened to it though.. we used to swing so high up and even stand on it and pretend we're skating. Hihi.. Now, there's nothing much. Just memories:)

So that's pretty much what I can write. There are a million other things I can mention here but I'd better stop:P There are soo many stories. Just TOO many in fact! Maybe next time:)

~nadhirah
twelve twenty two ante meridiem
twenty fourth december two thousand seven

Toastmasters

Yesterday I attended the MIM Toastmasters Club of KL, Youth Leadership Camp, Speech Contest. I didn't participate; just attended.. Hihi. Well, I got really inspired watching the youths give their speeches. My mum said it's not necessarily about doing so well. It's about improving and having the courage just to go up there alone on stage when there are about 200 pairs of eyes watching your every single move.

Anyways, Public Speaking has been... a fear for me. There wasn't any particular moment which made me forever scared of public speaking; it's just my nature I guess. Did you know that when a 'fear survey' was conducted, the thing people are scared the most is to speak publicly? And the second thing is death. Which is quite funny actually. Ahaha.

I participated in my first ever Toastmasters Youth Leadership Camp a few years back. I remember in the car, my mum announcing that I would be entering the Camp and that she already signed me up. I was shocked beyond words and I was complaining and saying that I didn't want to go. My mum said ahmad was going to go too and that this type of thing is good for me. My parents are both Toastmasters Members; my dad because of his love to speak and influence and mingle with people. My mum, partly because of her wish to improve to speak for her Book Talks, but mainly because she believed in the power of words and how important it is. So both my parents actually agreed that from now on, every single one of their children has to attend a Toastmaster's Leadership Camp at least once in their lives.
I went through it..barely alive. Ahaha. Well, it went on for 2 days if I'm not mistake. There were about 20 or more people during that camp and we had to give an average of 3 to 4 speeches a day. Then, there would be the Mentors who would give an evaluation of your speech, ways to improve and the good things we did. The first ever speech I gave was about myself. Of course, the first speech is an icebreaker. After that, the other speeches concentrated more on Style, use of actions (hand gestures and movement), intonations and some others. There was also table topics (which is impromptu; ON THE SPOT) and I really prayed hard that time that my name wouldn't be called out. And alhamdulillah, it wasn't:) But overall, I didn't really feel mself improving that much and I felt like every single speech, I just messed it up. On the last day of the camp, there was a competition, for us to show what we've learnt and everything.

So on the last day, I gave a speech about my dad:) My inspiration. The reason I was at Toastmaters anyway. After that, I remembered feeling so rotten for giving a lousy speech; not because of the title, mind you:P It's just because of how I GAVE the speech. And I cried and I felt so relieved that it was all over. Of course, Ahmad won Champion for the competition. Maybe that's why I cried even more. And on the day of the competition, parents were invited to come and watch. But then my parents were in Bangkok that day; so I guess like.. I didn't have the reassurements after that which made me so much more down:(

BUT! To this day, my parents (and Ahmad!) are supportive pf me joining Toastmasters. When I watch skillful speakers stand up there and do their stuff, I feel so motivated and I think, "I want to speak like that!" The way their pauses are just enough and their intonations are at the right pitch and volume. Well, I don't need to go so far off because one of the best speakers I know is my dad:) He can really...keep people in a trance the way he tells his stories.. Ahaha. Of course, my mum says it comes with a lot of practice; and there are MANY people who started off just like me (or even worse) and became one of the best speakers:)

So, shall I take public Speaking? I'm still undecided. The right answer would be to just go for it! Y'know, probably I'll never be ready but that's the point right? That's just why I have to do it without second thoughts... When I actually am there, I feel so regrettable like WHAT ON EARTH LEAD ME INTO THIS?!?!? But at the end of the day, I know deep inside that I WOULD want to join and become a good speaker...

~nadhirah
ten forty nine ante meridiem
seventeenth december two thousand seven

~

"If you're afraid of everyone leaving you, what do you do?"

"Make them stay."

"And if you can't do that, or don't know how?"

She shrugged. "I don't know."

"Yes, you do. You leave first," he said, "so you don't have to watch them walk away."

~nadhirah
twelve twenty nine ante meridiem
16th december two thousand seven

My personality (?)

Sent from a friend about my personality:

Your thoughts are often on others and their needs, especially those close to you, and this is observed through your projected personality. You are seen as one who is responsible, in service to others, and trying to establish emotional harmony. Sometimes you are seen as a fatherly or motherly type. It is observed that you are capable of deep affection and sacrifice. When meeting new people, you tend to be either suspicious or gullible, sometimes switching between the two in succession. When threatened emotionally, you can be seen as defending yourself to near irrationality. You enjoy good clothes of good material, and like to be comfortably dressed. To enhance this personality, you should always be well-dressed and give thought to the way you look, rather than giving it the lack of importance or carelessness as is your tendency.

When I read it, I was quite intrigued at how it sounded like me (to me that is). I've always quite wondered what type of person I am and this gave me a new outlook on things. Though there are of course many other things I wish I can improve it:)

Yes, throughout my life, I have been told that I am gullible. Easily believe people. Either I lack knowledge, or as I explain it, I prefer to trust people:) Up to MY extent. Though I'm not so sure what extent that is:P

I like to think about people and their needs!:D Though maybe I'm not THAT sacrificial. I can say I'm sensitive (as repeatedly expressed by another friend of mine). I can easily be hurt and I've tried really hard too face rejection boldly; but to no avail. When I can't reach expectations, I can become so emotional and out of mind (whatever that means:P) and obssessed with it, even after it's passed. And I really do easily cry. Throughout my whole year at school, out of all the people in school, I've cried the most IN school. It's really quite embarassing that I've been telling myself to be stronger and be a strength for people but instead i'm showing my weakness and potraying that I can't really do it. I mean, crying shows you're soft-hearted. But crying too much is just...too much.. Ahaha.

Quite a number of people HAVE told me that I'm soft-hearted. My teachers said that I should be more firm. Ahmad says he's surprised how I became the Head Girl, because I'm not that assertive and I'm a lot more soft-hearted. Ahahaha.

Oh well, as time goes on, I'd like to know more about my personality. Or rather, I'd like to build my personality to the best:)

~nadhirah
six forty seven post meridiem
twelfth december two thousand seven

Work @ adni

Today I started work!:D Ahahaha. Well, not really today. It was on Monday (unexpectedly) so today I continued my work. I tell you, it is extremely mind-racking to work at the bookshop. Sometimes the books are there, sometimes they're not. And sometimes the parents don't want some books and some books they want. And sometimes if you forget one number, it's like.. ARRGGHH!! I have to start again!>_< and if you accidentally pressed a wrong number, again, have to start again. I'm not so used to normal calculators because I've been using Scientific Calculators for the past 2 years:P Anyway, today wasn't as hectic or chaotic as the first day. There was one time where many people came and while you're doing your work, about two people wants your attention to clarify something and you're like.. in the middle of calculating the totals. And when you go back to your initial work, you have to redo or take some time to figure out what you're doing and some parent might be coming into the room and looking over your shoulder at your work and THAT's when it's extra nerve-wrecking because you're afraid you'd mess up. Ahahaha.

It was really tiring bending over the totals and frustrating that you don't seem to get the number no matter how many times you calculate. BUt in the end, it's a fun experience. Yknow, working with people and handling the situation and being patient and smiling through it all:D Ahahah. There are MANY MORE personalities out there. These are my first few steps:)

~nadhirah
six thirty two post meridiem
twelfth december two thousand seven

Of Bunnies and Bears

If there's something common about bunnies and bears, they are both usually the main soft toys. Because they're lovable. And cuddly:)

Forever and Always, my bunny...