It happened to me.

You wouldn’t know how it feels until it has happened to you.

Funny how sometimes the most powerful lessons were not intentionally taught, rather moved by the will of Allah. Today I learnt one of those most powerful lessons.

Today is my brother’s birthday. I asked my mom yesterday to pass him a t-shirt (since I wouldn’t be home) that I had bought for him a month ago. When he saw me online today, the first thing he said was: “Where’d you get the tshirt? It’s kinda big for me.”

This sentence literally crushed my heart to pieces. I don’t know if it’s me being extremely sensitive but being human, all I could reply was a sarcastic, “Umm Happy Birthday. Your welcome.”

Well, after that he did say thank you. But the thing is, I don’t mean to be sound like a high and mighty showing-off loving sister for having bought a present (I hardly if ever do get any bday presents for my siblings). I just felt so hurt because when I bought that shirt, it left me to survive only on RM3 for 2 days (I did not realize I was short on cash). I would have appreciated so much if all he said was, “Kak Alia, thank you so much for the tshirt :)” It would have taken one line. But it would have meant a lot to me.

This brings me to the first lesson I learnt: Gratitude.

What hit me first was anger. And deep hurt. And then the realization: Oh God, what if I was like that? And I’m sure I have been like that countless of times. Friends doing something for me that I did not acknowledge, that I didn’t have the time to say thank you for because I was too busy. Teachers giving their best to impart knowledge (who knows they might have stayed up the whole night preparing) and me as a student not giving my full attention and talking to the person next to me. Most importantly, my parents, putting food on the table (and who knows they had a rough day or my mum struggled to cook because of the pain she had in her foot) but I didn’t come down to eat or I said that “The food tastes weird.” How despicably ignorant and arrogant I would sound.

I would not (and most probably would never) know what someone has gone through to do something for me. It’s served as a great reminder to always be grateful and say Thank You. How many times have I forgotten to express my gratitude? And we forget THE most important thing is to be syukur to Allah; who has given night and day, oxygen, perfusion in our body, functional Hbs, normal RBCs, adequate levels of blood cells, sufficient iron (for our bodies)… life, everything for free. And again, we are ungrateful, by not saying thank you, by not abiding to His commands.

My mom sends me a message every morning for reminders. And this morning, her reminder was timely:

When you put your hopes for love, praise, success, happiness and recognition in the people, you will walk away disappointed with a broken heart. It is only when you put this hope in Allah will your heart and soul find peace, relief and pleasure. Indeed Allah speaks the truth in the Qur’an: “Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest” [13: 28]

Which brings me to my second reminder: HOPE in Allah.

Wanting to be thanked by my brother is like putting your hope for recognition by a person. And I did walk away disappointed and a pierced heart. What if I had given it with the hope that Allah will accept my deeds as a tender loving gesture toward my brother. With that kind of intention, regardless the outcome, my heart will InsyaAllah always feel content.

In life, you will always face disappointments, rejection, abandonment… The only way to keep your heart running and going is to do it for Allah.

With gratitude and this intention, will your heart find rest.

*Published with the permission from my brother. It's not served to embarrass him or whatever and he knows that. We've talked it out and settled things (he called me up!:D). This is to serve as an extremely powerful reminder, something I've known already but can only truly feel after having gone through it. That's why I love you even more, bro. Thank you *hearts*.