they come first

This is how you can shock your siblings:

Wake up in the morning and head to the kitchen. Take out a plate, and four pieces of bread. Toast two of them. Take out the chicken and roasted chicken salami, mayonnaise, chili sauce and some salad. Fry an egg. Slap the salamis, mayonnaise, chili sauce, salad and egg in between four pieces of bread. Cut in half. Serve. To them.

When I went upstairs and offered half the sandwich to Ahmad on a plate, he was still in bed. I knocked the door gently and said, "Angah, I made you a sandwich. It has salami, mayonnaise, sauce, salad and egg inside." He blinked a few times, sat up, took the plate and stared at me.

I went into the next room, knocked on the door and found my eldest brother inside.

Me: Along, are you hungry?

Along: Uhh not really...

Me: Okay well, I made a sandwich for you with *such such such* contents.

Along: *stared suspiciously and paused for a while* Why?

Me: *shrugged* I dunno. I feel like expressing some kind of appreciation.

Along: What appreciation?

Me: I don't know. I just feel like making a sandwich but I'm fasting.

Why can't they just accept when we want to do something nice? haha.

I went back to Ahmad's room where he had finished half his sandwich already. I sat next to him as he munched slowly. Then he suddenly laid back on bed and got up quickly again. I was really wondering what's wrong with him until he said, "I'm trying to wake up from this dream." (like it must be some kind of a dream that Alia is making a sandwich for breakfast). And after a pause, he questioned, "Alia, are you sure you're alright?"

My mom came in at that moment and seeing the rarity of Ahmad eating in bed, felt his forehead and asked full of concern, "Are you having a fever?"

And Ahmad said: "I think Alia's having a fever."

I smirked: "Alright, just blame the hormones."

And he said, "Well, keep these hormones please."

For some reason this morning I woke up with energized spirit and extremely motivated. I told myself I'm going to complete a lot of work (which I have long procrastinated).

But what actually suddenly came to mind was the words of my dad at the recent family gathering. We were having a conversation during the reunion and he said: "Yknow Alia, we always work so hard to help and please other people, our friends and the society. But how come we don't do the same for our families? In fact, they should come first."

And that is why, Along and Angah, I made the sandwich this morning:)

Why not do something nice and shock your siblings?:)

Brace Yourself

This is the new guaranteed plan for those who wish to lose weight: Braces.

Braces on teeth I mean.

On my first visit to the orthodontist last month, I met a doctor many would wish to emulate. Dr Shafeeq is extremely nice. He's engaging and has a very warm smile. He's the type of doctor you would want to keep going to because he explains everything like what we always learn in Clinical Skills Training on how to deal with patients. On my first visit to him last month, the conversation went something like this:

Dr : Assalamualaikum. How are you? *smile smile*

Me: Waalaikumsalam.

Dr : So what brings you here?

Me: My teeth... My mom brought me here.

Dr : Ok, so may I know why now? Why not last year or any other time?

Me: My mom have asked long ago for me to see an orthodontist. I'm on holiday now.

Dr : Alright then, I can see from here that your teeth are a little misaligned. Or maybe that's because that's my job haha. May I know how you feel about your teeth?

Me: Yeah. Umm I have no problem at all. I mean, I don't feel any less confident or anything. In fact, I love smiling a lot:)

Dr : Uhuh and what does your friends say?

Me: My friends don't say anything about them. I'm really okay with them (teeth I mean)

Dr : I'm going to have a look at your teeth now:)

He took pictures, a model sample and I had to take two x-rays of my jaw. That was for the first visit. When I came again for the second visit, he gave me a two-page written report (complete with my teeth conditions, treatment plans and alternative, cost etc). He patiently explained to me each part, highlighting the problems and outlining treatment plans. I summarize his verbal report as such:

Dr : Well, first of all from the x-ray, we have no problem with your jaw. But it seems we have quite a complicated case here. You see, your lower teeth have all moved to the right and your upper teeth have moved to the left. I'm not so sure why that is, but it's happened. So your centre line is not aligned with your face. Plus you can see here (he showed me my model teeth), that the lower and upper teeth are not aligned correctly.

Also, there is a crowding in your lower teeth. So, it's like there's a lot of furniture in the house. It's either we have to remove furniture or make the house bigger. When there is a lot of furniture, it's more difficult to clean the house right? So there's some inflammation here which would cause your gums to bleed.

As you can see, there is an overbite here (lower teeth infront of the upper teeth); normally the upper teeth would be infront of your lower teeth.

So I would conclude that you have quite a serious case. If following a standard in UK, your case would be a 4/5. So do you think you would want to put on the braces?

In the end, we concluded that we would follow the orthodontist's expertise. Which was the reason we came to him in the first place. I had to make a visit to the dentist and after that back to Dr Shafeeq. This time around, it was braces time.

During the most recent visit where the braces were put on, he explained to me the procedure in detail (This'll be quite boring for you, he said). Apparently I was quite shocked to find out that they GLUED the brackets onto the teeth! And then the archwire would be snapped into place.

After that, Dr Shafeeq said: This is the only practice where the patient will feel pain AFTER they go home haha. This is going to be the start of your long affair with braces:)

I didn't really understand what he meant with pain being felt after I went home. When I came home and had something to eat, it was of course quite awkward because it's like you have something in your mouth. I couldn't differentiate which was food and which was braces.

On the second day when I woke up, when I moved my mouth, I was kinda freaking out until I came to the realization that: Oh yeah, I'm wearing braces. Each root of the tooth was throbbing like I was having a toothache at all my upper teeth. I couldn't bite anything- not even rice. And this is how this dieting technique works:

1. Since it would really hurt when you bite, all you can resort to is soft food diet like porridge or mashed bananas.
2. Since it really hurts to eat, you would tend to eat much much much slower. What usually takes me 5 minutes took me triple the time. It's good for digestion (but not good if all you can do is swallow).
3. Since its such a pain anyway to be eating, you get tired of it quickly and end up not eating much. (So you can't overeat)

It went on for a week until now. Whenever my lower teeth would accidentally make contact with the upper teeth, it would throb like crazy. But Alhamdulillah, the pain wasn't so bad to the extent that I had to take painkillers. I could sleep:) I just had the letter 's' turn into 'th' sometimes. Haha.

Well, the reason I didn't want to blog about this earlier is because I would want people to find out for themselves. Also if I did blog, it would be a long list of horrific stories and scare those who ARE going to wear braces! (haha nah, this is just preparations). But SOMEONE had already realized I wore braces haha. So it didn't matter anyway.

1.5 years til the outcome. Aki says it doesn't matter because "You look pretty in anything." :) I'm not soo bothered by how I look. I would not stop smiling widely. It's just a pain for when I want to eat and talk. But my eldest brother said: Hah, you won't even feel it by next month.

Until of course, when Dr Shafeeq fixes on the braces for the lower teeth.

Alia, brace yourself for it.

Mistakes are bound to happen

I love this.

Taken from my 10-year-old brother's (Siraj's) drawing book.

Most likely the wordings of my 14 year-old-brother (Syarif's).

The Forgotten Art of Healing

The stupendous advances of science and technology have changed the face of medicine. Medicine is capable of performing amazing feats deemed incredible 50 years ago. Yet paradoxically there is today a deepening disillusion, distrust and even antagonism against medicine and the medical profession. The paradox is indeed striking for around the middle of the last century when science and technology hovered merely in the background and medicine has achieved little, the profession was held in the highest regard and the doctor's image outshone that of any other profession. Today, when science and technology envelop medicine in an all-embracing grasp and when medicine has achieved a great deal, the respect for the profession has plummeted and the image of the physician is increasingly tarnished. To my mind, the main reason for this paradox is because medicine has strayed from its path, has lost its way, has lost its goal. The mechanization of medicine, the hubris of its technology and science has submerged its art, robbed it of its raison d'etre, its humanism. The physician no longer ministers to a distinctive person, but concerns himself with separate malfunctioning organs. The distressed patient, the human being, is frequently forgotten or relegated to the background.

In these days of burgeoning science, the medical student and the doctor are both absorbed in the intricacies of technological advances related to medicine. Yet medicine is learnt and taught at the bedside by listening and talking to the patients, by touching and examining them; not just from books, not from gleaming machines and sophisticated gadgetry, nor from the rapturous attention to beautiful images obtained through computerized or magnetic resonance imaging, endoscopies, angiographies or from other wonderful gifts of science and technology...

Excerpt from The Forgotten Art of Healing by Farokh Erach Udwadia

How very true. How beautifully worded.

The book is a must-read for all involved in the medical field.

I've only read the first of 9 essays and every page is brimming with so much wisdom and truthfulness that I am left simply captivated and mesmerized.

success is in the process.

While judges determine who goes home with the trophy, they don't determine who goes home with success. If we as competitors allow the subjective opinion of others to determine whether or not our journey has been a success, then we have failed... If, whether we win or we lose,we recognize the growth that is still available and we choose to persist; then we win.

Rory Vaden. 27 years old.
First runner up for Toastmasters' World Championship of Public Speaking 2007.

I just finished July 2010's Toastmasters magazine copy and found the above excerpt in the article "My View from Number 2". It's about "what happens to the people who don't make it as the numero uno"? As a person who have not made it as champion to about 5-6 speech competitions, I can only understand 1/100th of what he feels (seeing that he came in SECOND at the WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP). I've only had to go through sleepless nights for a month, whereas he had to undergo immense and tremendous pressure for 2 years before setting second place.

The first thing that came to my mind when I read his article was not about speech competitions, rather about studies itself. I'll admit that I am not a brilliant IQ-smart student when it comes to studies. Some people might dub those who have low grades in school as "stupid". After reading Rich Kid Smart Kid, I realize that there are different types of geniuses (what my mom has told me a long time ago but it did not seem significant to me at that time). What the current education system focuses on is the "verbal-linguistic genius", whereby they focus on reading and writing. Ergo those with strengths in reading and writing would inevitably thrive. The thing is, not everyone has strengths in reading and writing, that is not exactly the best way for them to learn. They might be better at "numericals" or "physical" or "environmental", just some of the other geniuses to name a few.

What I'm attempting to say is that grades and certificates does not necessarily determine you to be number one. You may need them for qualifications and to determine quality (as they are made out for) but at the end of the day, who really has the right to determine whether you are successful or not? Who can honestly say that you have grown as a person? It does not matter whether you are in a competition, whether you are studying or working: If, whether we win or we lose, we recognize the growth that is still available and we choose to persist; then we win.

Jim Rohn (Self-made multimillionaire, success coach and philosopher) says, "You want to set a goal that is big enough that in the process of achieving it you become someone worth becoming."

Jack Canfield writes: The ultimate benefit of overcoming considerations, fears and roadblocks is not the material rewards that you enjoy but the personal development that you achieve in the process.

Ultimately, success lies in being a better person everyday. Most of us forget that because we are too focused on the end-goal to realize that we are already winners when have gone through the journey to reach our aims.

To all of you who have dared to take a step forward, congratulations. You are winners already:)

lessons from a CMR

This is the second time I'm in the situation where people ask: Is there a doctor here?

I wasn't about to let this moment pass without doing anything.

We were having my dad's side family reunion at Janda Baik. Of course, with the river beside the house, the stairs leading into the house would inevitably turn wet with so many people walking up and down. When my Auntie Nurul was walking down, she somehow slipped. Seconds after that, I heard the commotion downstairs and saw that she was limping and being led to sit on a chair. The fourth toe on her left foot had a slight deformity between the distal and proximal phalanges. Fortunately, Auntie Nurul is a doctor, doing her masters in OnG. So she explained (very calmly amidst everyone's horror) that her toe has been dislocated and that can she please just have someone to pull it to align it back in place.

My granduncles, cousins and relatives dare not to touch her toe and neither did I for that matter. But when people asked around "Who is a doctor?" (and someone did point out that Auntie Nurul IS a doctor herself), I felt like the responsibility weighed heavier on my shoulders (despite the fact that I had no idea what to do). When nobody seemed to want to do it, I had to quickly muster the courage and offered my assistance.

Just when I was about to, people called out that my grand-auntie Opah Wah could fix it back in place. Soon after, she massaged Auntie Nurul's foot with massaging oil. It took about 5 minutes to massage. When Auntie Nurul told her to just pull the toe, Opah Wah assessed the dislocation, frowned and said (in Malay with Perak dialect) "I cannot fix this."

The other alternative would mean to send her to a clinic but that would be about an hour's ride away. I discreetly confided in my mom and said that I can TRY to do it. My mom took one look at me and said, "Alright". I prayed Asar first (with my hands cold) and prayed hard that I would help and not cripple her (seeing that I had no idea what the consequences could turn out to be).

After that, I walked into the house as confidently as I could. First thing I asked Auntie Nurul was, "What's the worst that could happen?" and she replied, "Pain." I nodded. She instructed me, "Pull it (the distal phalanx) as hard as you can until you hear a click, then pull it upwards."

She took a towel to bite on for when I would pull her toe. I took a cloth, held her toe between my fingers and my thumb and pulled as hard as I could with both hands. It slipped because of the oil. There was no "click".

The second attempt, I held her foot with my left hand and pulled with my right hand. Again, no successful outcome. I thought that I couldn't do it after all. Beside me was her husband and after having been proud enough that I have actually DONE something, I gestured to pass the cloth to him (an engineer). But he hesitated. Auntie Nurul's dad (my granduncle) was sitting next to me and encouraged: "Alia, just try it one more time." I dejectedly replied, "No, I really can't do it." but he pushed me on and said, "Just try one more time. One more time."

So I asked my mom to hold down Auntie Nurul's foot and used both my hands to pull as hard as possible. Just when I thought all hope was lost, there was an unexpected "click" and I pushed the toe upwards. I looked at Auntie Nurul in momentary speechlessness. Auntie Nurul, while red in the face, exclaimed, "It's fixed!" My mom hugged me tight. My granduncle shook my hands and referred to me as "Doctor Alia!" I just stared at Auntie Nurul and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, "Thank you for trusting me." She replied with a smile: "Of course I trust you."

Later that evening after Auntie Nurul announced that "that young doctor was the one who fixed my toe" and reassured everyone that she was fine, we sat for a quiet chat.

I told her (in English of course): Auntie Nurul, I only did it because you believe I could do it. If not, I would not have dared.

She looked at me: Alia, one of the things a doctor needs is to be brave. You had to have the guts to do what you did just now. Eventhough you've just finished 1st year, you still did it. This procedure is called Closed Manipulative Reduction (CMR) and you will only learn it in 3rd year during Orthopedics.

Honestly, anyone could have done it. I don't know what made me feel so confident to do it. But I told myself that I just HAD to do something, or else I would have lived the rest of my life wondering What would have happened if I actually tried? The first time I faced such a situation was when an old lady fell while walking and there was blood gushing from her nose. I was only a few months into my first year. I didn't know what to do and neither did anyone around. At that moment, I vowed to learn Basic Life Support and First Aid training should I ever face the situation again.

Lessons from today:

1. I have renewed spirit to become the best doctor I can be. I could finally apply some things I've learnt in classes.
2. What we need is mostly courage (but be sure to know what's the worst that could happen), And you're lucky if there's a medical doctor around too!
3. Despite the fact that you have no idea what to do, belief from other people is all it takes to lend you strength to make you confident in whatever you do. Thank you Ummi and Auntie Nurul =)

Why they act the way they do

I have seen parenting books, about how children act the way they do, why teenagers do what they do, why babies act this way and that. But has anyone ever come across a complete, comprehensive, concise book FOR kids/teenagers explaining why parents act the way they do, apart from the all-too-often used phrase "They just want what's best for you." and in contradiction, why does it seem as if the things they do AREN'T what's best for you?

This writing is going to share about certain thoughts on parenting, why I think some of us children do not seem to "get" our parents and what MY parents are doing so that we "get" them.

Just as there are books on "parenting", there should be books on "child-ing" or "kid-ding" (pun unintended). But here's the joke; there are books for parenting simply because they are the adults and they need to be responsible for the things they do and how to best perform their duties. For me, I think such books for "child-ing" should exist too because WE need to take responsibility for what WE do too. Yes, they do exist, but in a much more subtle form of textbooks on "why we should be good children" but not really in a fun, interactive manner like some parenting books are. I would know because there are a ton of parenting books and magazines at my home- my mom is an author of two parenting books and my parents hold seminars on parenting.

As we all know, it takes two hands to clap. And if some parents are trying so hard to be the best at parenting, why not we be the best at "children-ing". But of course, since we are kids, we are expected to still be "immature" and "not fully understand what adults do". So that's why we are "excused" from "children-ing". When in fact, we should learn to take full responsibility. But as children, we do not exactly know what that term means until we are 18.

I need to make a disclaimer though that I do not know many parents and personalities. In fact, I might say I do not know what most kids go through and I cannot understand or imagine it when people say, "my parents fight" or "my parents get mad at each other" or "they don't talk to each other for a while" or "they need some space or a break" simply because I have never EVER seen my parents be that way and neither have my brothers for that matter.

When I was young, I always thought that parents know EVERYTHING. Because Ummi knew how to cook delicious food and she knew how to colour within the lines. Ayah always knew the road to get us practically ANYWHERE and he always knows how to handle a situation. Like that time when I was 10 and we lost our passports in Iran, Ayah kept cool and calm and I just KNOW it that he will find a way so that we can get back to Malaysia safe and sound again. But what I didn't know that time and what I know now is that, parents don't always feel like they know everything. They have thoughts and doubts that they have failed as a parent. They don't always know what they do is right or wrong. There are times when they are divided into two.

I can't say I know what a parent feels since I have yet to be one. But RAISING a person, has got to be one of the most difficult jobs in the world. Imagine trying to work with someone but with the rest of your life, except this time, the outcome is solely in YOUR hands. Some of us knows what it feels like to be working in teams and when your group mate is completely unresponsive. It's so hard working with a person like that; and let's pray we do not be that way as children. Imagine that.

One of the reasons why we think our parents seem to not be able to understand us is perhaps because of the whole Generation X, Generation Y gap. And the Industrial Age and the Information Age difference. They are brought up at a different time and we are brought up in a different era so that's one of the reasons we may not exactly see eye to eye.

But just because there are things we don't agree on, there are some values which are timeless, transgress all time and space and that is being a good child. It does not matter which period of time you are in but being a good child can exist at all times.

Apart from that, they are still learning how to be a parent everyday. It's a new job, new workload, new duties. Don't think it's so simple to learn a new subject. It takes a lot of time to get used to. You get things wrong, you stumble, you fall. But at the end of the day, you hope and pray that the people will forgive you for your mistakes. Likewise.

To me, there are some things I don't agree with my parents. Of course, that's normal. But I can proudly say that my parents have succeeded as parents. These are only some of the things they do as to why I feel they have succeeded:

(1) They really do honestly do what's best for us- according to what they know. You cannot blame them if they do not know this or that, they are still HUMANS for goodness sake! So please, forgive them if you disagree with what they think. Sometimes, they might be forceful and step their foot down and say no, but it's because of what they have gone through. I'm not saying to always agree with their judgement, it's your call on what decisions you make. But it would be incredible if we can just LISTEN and ONLY THEN try to negotiate or discuss.

I know that if I want to discuss something over with my parents, I need to have all information, options, advantages and disadvantages before proceeding to "present" to them my "case". I know there are some who you simply cannot negotiate with, this does not fit my case, and for that I cannot say anything because I do not know what exactly they are thinking. But forgive them anyway, and know that they ARE doing what's best as to how they feel.

Like that time my mom signed me up for Youth Leadership Program when I was 13. I cried having to do public speaking for 3 days, and truthfully I hated it. But at 18, I learnt just HOW important communication is and I am so grateful for having gone through it because now I feel fulfilled being able to conquer speaking at the front.

(2) They always put education first. We have a nice house, sufficient food, proper clothing etc. But for as long as I can remember, my dad would always put emphasis on buying books and getting us tickets to any museums or what he calls as "edutainment". And my mom would set a TV time for cartoons etc, but National Geographic, Animal Planet and Discovery Channel are always welcomed to be watched anytime. My parents believe each of their children have different "geniuses" and that we all are smart but we learn things differently. So, although grades ARE important, they also make sure that we learn in other ways like visiting planetariums and going to science centres. Any visit we make (eg to Singapore. New Zealand or Miri) will always have an edutainment time slotted in :)

(3) They spend quality time with each and every one of us individually as well as collectively. Monday mornings for certain people are a dread. But for me, it's the best time of the week. My dad would send me to Cyberjaya at 6am (because I would have class at 8am) and we would have a complete 1-hour father-daughter session. I know he is a busy man, being chairman of surau and was a human resource manager. Dealing with people, he would already have enough "people problem" to think about. But every Monday morning, he would listen attentively to whatever I complained about, ranging from life, love, friends, studies. All that would seem so very petty, but he still listens and advises me as if it is the most pressing matter at that moment.

Whenever I come into their room, most of the time when they are not busy, they would stop whatever they are doing (away from their computer, away from reading) and would look at me with a great smile, look into my eyes and say "Hey Alia, whatsup?" :)

(4) They have made my siblings and I grow up this way, close and loving. If you want to know what my parents have achieved for my sibling relationships, you can read my other post: My Five Guys

(5) They make dinner time compulsory. Whether you're not hungry or tired or already eaten or just came back home from whatever, dinner time is family time. No phones allowed, no books allowed to be read and if the phone rings, we cannot go and get it. It might sound strict and all, but of course it's not:P Those are just rules at the dinner table so that we have a more fun time! This is the time when everyone is out of their rooms, away from the computer, and I know my dad used to get home early just for dinner.

So at dinner time, it will always be a crazy drama. My brothers are all talking at the same time about the latest excitement, my mom would be calling us to help while we are still in the midst of energetic conversations on "who is right and who is wrong" kind of issue. Once that finally die down as we are munching down our food, my dad would begin the "Game Plan": updates about the upcoming week's events happening and what times we should free ourselves. During that time, we would be interrupting, interjecting, teasing and laughing while my dad occasionally tries to continue again the "Game Plan". When most of us are done with our meal, my mother would ensure that each and every one cleans up (but of course, some of us start running away). And if there's a mischievous glint in Ahmad's eyes, he and I might just start a water fight while washing dishes. And when he and I are soaking to the bones and whining to my mom, she will smile as if "You guys started it." But this of course, is all in good fun.

(6) They never laugh at our dreams. They never laughed when Safi said he wants to be an astronaut. They never laughed when Ahmad says he's going to be a millionaire by age 25 (I laughed at that). They never hampered Siraj's spirits when he said he wants to sell cookies to buy a plane ticket to visit his friend at Saudi Arabia; in fact, my dad took Siraj out to eat and discuss plans on how to get this project going (and they calculated Siraj would need to sell 50k cookies). They never laughed when I told about the Smile Train project. Ayah has been the most supportive in this, up to the point he paid for EVERYTHING (transportion, food, accommodations), and all I had to focus on was donations. Even if parents do not have the money to support their children's dreams, BELIEVING in them is more than enough. Don't laugh at people's dreams; people who don't have dreams don't have much.

I once had a table topic "In order to have a friend, we must be one first." I'm friends with my parents. If we can always "jaga hati" our friends, please them, laugh with them, why not with our parents too? They would be most delighted:)

My advice for "child-ing" is that, when your parents do something "weird" or something you do not like, take a step back and think positively, "In what way is this going to be good for me?" because most definitely, it is going to be good for you whether you see it now or not. It's not always up to THEM to make a happy family. The responsibility lies in us too, as the children :)

For parents, if you want to know how my parents brought us up, check out: www.coolmumsuperdad.com and the books my mom writes. If sometimes we are impossible and when you wonder "What have I done to raise such a child?", please, don't give up. Don't give in. We may get upset or angry, but we know deep in our hearts, you are all we've got.

my five guys

*Warning! The following post may sound like an extreme exaggeration and bragging but it is only the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth*

So this is probably what a lot of people have been wanting to hear:

(i) My Parents

(ii) My brothers

I've been wanting to write about this and finally have the time to write them down:) Let's talk about (ii) first.

The famous reactions I get from people after revealing I have 5 (yes, FIVE) brothers and me being the only girl is that:

"Ah anak manje eh?"

"Ohh your parents must treat you extra special!"

I would beg to differ because (a) my parents pampers us all the same and (b) I'm treated no differently. And when I retort, "Oh no no we're treated all the same" they smile and wave away my reply.

But the thing is, we really are not treated that differently. We have equal amounts of house chores distribution. I have never felt that we have been treated unjustly. In fact, I can never recall a time I was treated more special than them.

What can I say about them?

First and foremost, trying to describe them one by one would do no justice. They're so unique as individuals and the only thing I can do is to describe them collectively. And even writing out these things is only a small description of the type of brothers they really are. But I shall attempt.

1) They're like my best friends, apart from my parents. I can enter their room, hang out with them anytime and talk about whatever. It's like a conversation is so easy to strike.

The number of fights I've ever had can be counted by my fingers. And the best thing is, my brothers never keep anything to heart. I either have (very rare) arguments with Safi or Ahmad and even that doesn't last a day. Sometimes I'm still so caught up in the issue and sulking but they're already gone and past the issue and when I conjure up the courage to finally say "sorry", they stare at me and say, "What are you talking about?" like the matter did not hurt them.

2) They're like body guards. When I ask that I need to go out here or there, they would willingly and voluntarily drive or escort me anywhere. Plus I like having two older brothers. When I feel like all hope is lost, it's as if they know what to do.

3) They are multi-talented. If I have problems with the computer, or a software prob, these adventurous guys come to the rescue and almost immediately fixes up the mess. It will be insufficient trying to even LIST down what they can do. Much less what can be done when they work together.

4) They do not need to use any girly stuff. Combs, pins, clothes, shoes, room all are mine :)

5) They make the house fill with laughter everyday. Especially at dinner time. Well, they make MY heart fill with laughter anywhere anytime.

6) They are not moody or emotional. Which makes it easier for me when I need someone to turn to. And whenever I am, they will always understand and might cheekily add "Oh it's her time of the month."

7) When I come home from Cyberjaya, even if it's weekly, they will all run downstairs to greet me at the door and "salam2", hug me and be as if I have been abroad for 3 years. You do not know how much of a treat that is.

8) They are extremely supportive. Like that one time when I really really wanted to go to this park, they all gave in. They even played around at the park eventhough there weren't really anything there. And once, when my parents picked my up from cyberjaya, they hid behind the bus stop in their kain pelekat (after solat subuh) and planned to surprise me in a very strange manner- but it was a success!:P

9) Whenever I go out out with them, I don't have to worry about bringing a book or anything to keep myself occupied. I know there's always something to talk about or something to laugh over.

10) They do not roll their eyes at my petty matters. Like when I want to take their photos together. Or I ask which dress looks more suitable to wear at that moment. They always "layan" up to the smallest matter.

11) When we are at gatherings/restaurants/out, it's as if we are in our own world. We talk so loudly like we've just been reunited after 10 years of separation and we burst out in laughter at the smallest things.

I would have to say I'm the luckiest girl in the world:)

When my friends sometimes go "Awww I wish I had brothers too!" I sit there and smile. But really, inside I'm smirking with so much pride because I DO feel lucky to have brothers.

I'm not saying we've never had hard moments. My brothers have fought; but I don't recall any physical fights. And every day they can get on each others' nerves just for fun. But at the end of the day, all I remember is smiles and happiness. While some people think of getting away from home to get a peace of mind, I want to come back home whenever I need to cool my head.

I might have wished I had sisters when I was 8 years old. I might have felt lonely sitting by myself at gatherings since all my brothers would be at the males' side. I might have felt a little frustrated at times when my girl friends would be too shy to come over to the house after knowing I have all brothers. I might get upset when they leave their mess everywhere, are sometimes insensitive to emotions and fight over whose turn it is to wash the dishes.

But honestly, truthfully and sincerely, I love them all to bits. And would never ever wish to have them replaced (says the protective sister hahah).

Along, Angah (ie Ahmad), Safi, Syarif and Siraj; I love you guys.

Please know this all the time:)

Dreams.

When we set dreams and goals sometimes, what makes us think we can achieve them? What makes us think that our dreams can really be realized?

When I was clearing out the things in my wallet, I found a card tucked neatly behind my IC. I pulled it out and saw that it was a ticket to last year's Toastmasters International Speech Contest (ISC) at Division P level.

I flipped it over and saw what I wrote:

March 2009: I remember at this ISC, my dad was the champion and when I saw the trophy, I thought that it looked so shiny and pretty, I really really wanted one. It was black, cuboid, sleek and the word "Champion" shone in gold. So I wrote this goal immediately. At that time, I didn't know if I could actually ever get a champion trophy seeing all those amazing speakers (that's why I put there as "long-term" hahah). But I knew that I wanted a trophy like that (so much for striving to be non-materialistic hahah).

March 2010 ISC, I finally joined after having fulfilled the age requirement. I didn't reach all the way to representing Division. But it was already a surprising achievement for me getting Champion trophy at Area level:) I got the champion trophy I wanted. But through that process, I got to make new friends and had an accelerated learning curve in public speaking.

2008; Farah gave me a beautiful silk-wrapped diary. She wrote a little note which read: "I hope this journal will store the happiest moments in your life." It ended up as my "Book of Dreams"- filled with dreams and what I want in life. Of course, when I read it over again, I laugh at how my mind can be quite childish at the time. I remember though that I had this crazy desire of someway somehow making a difference in this world.

2009; I found the advertisement about The Smile Train and its mission of Changing the World One Smile At A Time through providing funds for corrective surgery for children with cleft lip and palate.

2010: Raised funds, went to India and personally delivered the funds as well as the banner which donors signed on to the Charles Pinto Department for Cleft Lip and Palate. Met Dr Hirji Adenwalla :) I got to make the difference like what I wanted.

When I think it over, I realize that it is because I have been blessed to be able to be achieving all this. Main factors include:

(a) Immensely supportive parents & siblings

(b) Supportive friends & environment

(c) Money provided

(d) Lots of doa'

I remember in Secondary 4, my bio & physics teacher, Teacher Muthla told us that we should write down our dreams (specifically with a wooden pencil). I had written them down with no particular indomitable spirit or passion but just as something that I "wanted". Slowly though, I see that if something we just write can materialize, what about something that we write, plan for, create an action plan and truly believe in? Surely it will be a greater dream, one with more risks and hurdles, colossal challenges, but satisfying results and outcome.

I love watching people who KNOWS what they want in life and are working towards them with their whole heart and soul put into what they do. I personally know two people who have such great dreams:

1. Iman Azman. Since our secondary school days, she talks about what she wants to be, what she wants to achieve, while most of us are so focused on the present. I realize just how important it is to visualize what you want and keep remembering them everyday. Her dream from 11 years old of wanting to enter Carleton University in Canada and taking up journalism has been fulfilled. She is an Honour student:)

2. Mohd Waqiyuddin. Only having been acquainted for just a few months but I am truly impressed with the dreams that he holds. A final year medical student but with high goals and an amazing unshaken belief and determination of achieving those dreams:)

He told me, "Alia, focus on your dreams please!"

Sometimes I think and wonder; what IS my dream? Do I have something I want to so greatly work passionately for? Have I found it? Have I not? I have goals; but for now they seem to be so short-term.

I do understand we need to gain Allah's pleasure . But through what means would I be getting them? Some people write books, some people hold seminars, some work toward a cause, some work; these are all forms of ibadah. Similarly, I'm searching for what I can do in this line.

He told me, "It takes time. You need to meet great people, read more. and then you will know." In the end, I'm frustrated myself to say that I have not yet precisely found what I want to achieve so badly in life. Something to keep pondering over.

What I do know is that, if you have a dream, please find people who will support you. Tell others, share your dreams, and most importantly WRITE them down. Look at them from time to time. Because sometimes your mind wanders, your heart wavers because your dreams are challenged with risks and falls that make you lose sight of your aims. You need to just have a glance at what you write and realize again that -YES-, this is what you want. Work for it with your heart, please.

June PostMortem :)

So what's been happening in June since my first year of MBBS ended?

1. Smile Train Mission 13th-15th
   Accomplished! Please refer to the above links to read up on my journey:)
   
   
2. PPIM Medical Conference at Kuantan 18th - 20th
   Attended the 2nd IMAM SC Symposium & 12th Annual Scientific Meeting. It's a completely new experience for me- attending a medical conference, listening to health issues etc. I have to admit there were a few issues I could not exactly follow and was quite restless sitting through it. But there were extremely amazing topics as well.
   
   The best one (and the best talk I've heard of EVER) was about Vision for the Future and the doctor's role. This talk makes the whole conference worth it to attend. I cannot remember the name of the speaker, but he spoke about the world is undergoing just so much and the only way to solve it is through relief. There's a lot in what he said and he managed to convince me on my path of joining the medical field:)
   
   
3. MMU TMC AGM 25th
   I came back to Cyberjaya a week after finishing my first year because I had to settle things for the MMU TMC AGM. Searching for a successor as my role for VPE. I had a long long long and many discussion with James and quite a dilemma on who would assume my position.
   
   Anyway, my role as Vice President Education at MMU Toastmasters Club officially ended during the AGM and election of the next EXCO:) Congratulations on the new president, James Chow:) It comes as no surprise for me. Nevertheless, I am immensely proud of you. I am more than sure that you will lead the club to greater heights AND achieve the Presidential Distinguished Club status this term! The new VPE (ie my successor) Ridzuan, as of now I have absolutely no regrets of appointing you as the new VPE. You have done marvellous work. MMU TMC is not just any club to me, it's something I feel I've put all my heart and effort into for the past year to see it standing where it is now. It's in your hands now to ensure and maintain the quality; please take care of it:)
   
   
Installation of new exco '10/11: Ismail Omar (Immediate Past President), James Chow (President), supposedly Ridzuan (VPE) next in line but he's absent, Pink (VPM), Ariff (VPPR), Chee Pung (secretary), Shukri (treasurer), Bello (SAA). Make me proud, please:)


4. Ramadhan Fiesta banner painting 27th
   
It took a whole day. That's why it deserves a date on its own. The banner is humongous. But this isn't the design; it was completely changed when we painted it on the banner. CUCMS, get ready for it when Ramadhan begins:)

Thank you my classmates for coming along to help get it done. I am so so so thankful:D Special thanks to Syuk. Honestly, couldn't have done it without you; you make a great leader:)


5. July Intake Orientation 1st-4th July
   
   I was appointed to be Head of Facilitators for this July Intake's Orientation. I have to say this is one of the rare times I feel inadequate to hold a position. Normally, I'd be okay with holding a new post if I (a) have experience with it (b) know the job scope fully (c) have guidance on how to execute the tasks. Although I try to read up and do as much as I can when I am given a certain responsibility, I'm not so sure if I've done a really good job if I were to truthfully self-evaluate.
   
   We held a Training for Trainers two days prior to the Orientation. A day before the Orientation, we practiced the Amazing Race module around Street Mall. It was really great fun; and although it took a long time to settle, it was extremely worth it because the July Intake students said that the Amazing Race "rocks"!
7. 1. My role was most involved in the planning phase; so I don't think I did that much DURING the orientation itself. I had the great pleasure of receiving the previous orientation's modules. Thank you so much to the previous Head of Faci, Syuk, for compiling them. It makes my work so much easier having reference.
      
      Because of this, I've finally seen the importance of writing reports. How crucial paperwork is in this sense to make sure that the next OC does not have to start from scratch and can just read up the reports. We should learn from other people's mistakes instead of our own:) And because of this I have been determined to write a fully detailed and practical report to be handed to the next Head of Facilitators. Good luck!
      
      
      Raja Botol: All facilitators and students during the morning mental exercise.
      
      
      The Orientation overall received satisfactory remarks. Of course, there were things that needed improvement. A few glitches, mistakes here and there, but Alhamdulillah, nothing major:)
      
      
   2. 1. Guess who:)
         
         

Facilitators: Thank you Cah for joining Orientation and accompanying me throughout:) I am extremely grateful.

And that is June.

Hello July:)