Withdraw

Tomorrow is the Public Speaking Competition Semi-Finals.

I'm a contestant. I was a contestant.

I withdrew.

My musculoskeletal exam is tomorrow at 8am til 9am in Cyberjaya. I'm first speaker at 9am at Kota Damansara.

I talked it out with the college if they can support me in informing the organizers that I will be havig an exam so that I may appeal to be final speaker. They did help out. I would have needed a signature from the president or the dean. But then they said I'd need support from the block coordinator. Then they said that perhaps I should appeal to take the exam earlier (musculoskeletal earlier?!?!) It's too late anyway.

In the end, I decided that this week was just too hectic. I talked it out with my parents and they say prioritize studies. Talked it out with a friend and they said, "Which is more important? Your exam only comes once." I have a project to handle together with studies... Sometimes you just have to let go. Week after week after week of giving speeches infront of many has left me a little dizzy. I don't mind giving the speeches -honestly. The most difficult part is hours/minutes/seconds BEFORE the speech itself. The anticipation and cold feet and shaking hands and million butterflies. InsyaAllah there will be future speaking opportunities- but I don't want to fail this exam.

I feel really bad because I should have looked ahead and made sure I had nothing important on any of the level competitions. Now someone who has the passion and amazing speaking ability at the audition was not chosen because of me. And that person could be presenting their speech tomorrow and moving the hearts of thousands of others. I feel bad.

Nicol, you would most probably pound me for this (but since I can't make it on Friday, you probably can't haha). But just so you know, this is an EXTREMELY difficult decision to make. It took a lot of thinking, energy, sighs... Thanks for believing in me anyway. You do your ultimate best tomorrow aite?:)

Evie sent the sweetest message ever: Although you can't go to the public speaking tomorrow, your talent is still there and I strongly believe that with your talent, you not only manage to go to london next time, instead to the moon. Chaiyok!:)

It's like she's saying I can impress NASA to send me to the moon:P hehe. No lahh. It's got to do with aiming to the stars (but having in the same sentence as London does it make sound interesting). Thanks anyway Evie!

Another decision made. One that I felt was the best to choose at that/this time. Not one I will ever regret.