where oh where

This is exasperating.

I've been searching and searching for the notes I took down for the Behavioural Science modification and I just can't seem to find it anywhere.

This is frustrating.

I mean, where can it possibly be? I'd only either jot it down in my "Expect" book or my Behavioral Science folder... But it's no where to be found... Especially when we have to pass up that report on Monday. Not on my shelf, not among my notes or psychology books.

All I can remember is I wrote it somewhere... at the back of... another piece of notes.

This is so not like me to misplace important notes. And the only reason I'm writing this down is to try and jog my memory.

But nothing is working...

Oh Behavioural Science notes, please be found and let me laugh my head off at how carelessly I've placed you at such an obvious place.

Risk

In Janda Baik, it's either the house (sleep), the river (cruise) or the field (badminton).

Now, it's at night. We're at the house. Not asleep. But playing Risk. The board game with the objective of:

Conquering the world by occupying every territory on the board, thus eliminating all your opponents.

Well, I wouldn't have played except with the coaxing of my puppy-eyed little brother.

I didn't actually have much "spirit" or determination to actually conquer the world (on a board, mind you). I mean, I already have too many things to stress on I'd rather not want to stress on something like this.

Talks about backstabbing, agreement, alliances... they all don't really turn me on.

So when I recklessly attacked other territories and pleaded my neighbouring enemies to invade me, the other players (my brothers and cousin) were quite perplexed. They went so far as to want to "save" me by not attacking me. They were forming plans for me and which country I should attack. And which country they should move out so that I can still stay in the game. Which was really quite funny because they were stressing out FOR me.

This is my last standing troop. He's my hero:) Standing strong in Northwest Territory.

In the end, I got invaded by Siraj's green troops. I smiled because I reached my objectives: Not stress out for this game.

Just smile and enjoy:)

Silver Anniversary

This is for the most beautiful couple I know.

Drawn in Flash MX. 1 hour.

A scenery at Janda Baik. Which was a gift in fact. My dad's anniversary present for my mom. A garden. From two Rexton loads of plants and flowers.

Happy Silver Anniversary, Ummi Ayah.

If not for you, I wouldn't be here.

Honestly.

Smile Train Plan Part 1

The master plan is finally revealed. After months of incubation period.

When I read about Dr Hirji Adenwalla's article back in October, I was already hyped up about it. I was even MORE hyped up when I told my dad and ahmad about it. Because we started brainstorming about some really crazy ideas.

When my dad went so far as to suggest that I MEET Dr Hirji, I was practically hyperventilating. Dr Hirji would be in India. And ayah says: So what's the problem? We'll fly to Kerala.

I couldn't breathe.

I admit I procrastinated in writing to the Smile Train Partnership in Kerala (the Charles Pinto Centre) because I was really scared of rejection. Besides, what could I do there? Just probably be a hindrance having to be shown around, lingering in the hospital where there would be doctors on the go saving people's lives.

Because of that procrastination of mine, my dad couldn't wait anymore and just had to book flights to Kerala (mostly to push me to doing something) mid next year. Even though we didn't even have the permission yet if we can visit the hospital, my dad still went on with booking the flights.

This was actually becoming a reality.

During my procrastination though, we were still brainstorming. The objectives and all that. Things like:

1. Raise money through donations with talks/support- by giving talks here and there. Money for at least one cleft lip palate surgery ($250 or RM 843.47) and bring it as Malaysia's Donation- also making a huge banner and adding each and everyone's names there and bring it to Kerala.
2. Write up a report on procedure of the cleft lip surgery when I'm there etc.
3. Get support from my college- I really am not sure how the college supports but my dad says to get support. Just so that they are aware and supporting my cause.
4. Consider the media. If I'm serious enough, make it really huge and get OTHERS to know about the cause. At this part, I was afraid things might get too big... at the same time, this is a rare opportunity. Should I go for it?

When I finally wrote an email to them two weeks ago, I finally got the courage to explain who I am, that I wanted to visit but didn't know what I could do, and that I was deeply inspired by Dr Hirji's amazing character.

Days later, after I came back from my LTDJ trip, I got the biggest shock of my life!

From: charlespinto@sify.com

To: anbaf2002@hotmail.com
Subject: Cleft lip Department visit.
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 2009 14:43:41 +0530

Dear Nadhirah,

The Charles Pinto Center For Cleft Lip, Palate and Craniofacial anomalies is part of the Plastic Surgical department at the Jubilee Mission Medical College in Trichur. South India. The Charles Pinto Center was one of the first centers in India recoganised as a center of excellence and was accepted as a Smile Train Partner in 2001. All the work done at this center is free of charge under Smile Train patronage. Attached to this department is a maxilla- facial surgeon who does all the boney work on the face after the soft tissue repair is over.

The department is headed by Dr. Hirji.S. Adenwalla . About 60-70 clefts are repaired every month. This gives you a rough idea of the basic structure of this department.

I presume that you are a medical student and that you would like to visit as a observer during which you will attend out patients, ward rounds and theater sessions and assist operations.

I need to know

1) When do you intend to come?

2) How much time can you spare?

3) What sort of accommodation will you need?

Kindly let me know so that we can arrange your visit to our mutual convenience.

Regards and Best wishes for the season and happy New Year to you

Dr. H.S. Adenwalla

Emeratus Prof of Surgery
Head of the Plastic Surgery, Burns and The Charles Pinto Centre for Cleft Lip and Palate
Member Advisory Board Smile Train South Asia

P.S ; Give some alternative dates convenient to you as the department has trainee visitors and one does not like to over crowed the department at any one given time

I screamed.

So ever since then, my mind has been in a whirl. Dr Hirji wrote to ME. I've only got 5 months til my flight to do as much as I can. I replied his email explaining the date I'd be arriving and he wrote back that that date would be fine.

I felt light headed.

After I revealed to my housemates, they all started getting to energetic over it and whooping: "Let's all go!" Oh you people are truly amazing:) Darlings, I WOULD love to bring you all along. But this is a project with too many unchartered territories. I don't know what's going to happen next, some things are unsettled. I'm afraid things might go awry; besides, there's a lot of unconfirmed issues. For now, let this be my personal project and once I gain experience, we'll make a bigger project yeah?

What I DO need help in is to think of:

1. How to raise money.
2. How people can support this cause.

Ideas are still mulling over in my head. Still in this incubation period. Too bad I've been in this period for too long. Verification will come around sooner or later. I've got to act quicker and faster.

Other suggestions have been to actually call Dr Hirji here to give a talk. But I'm thinking; wouldn't he have to go save people's lives? And at the same time, I'd have to think of organizing a talk, writing up a proposal etc...

Opinions on everything would be truly appreciated:)

This is not a success-guaranteed project. I don't know if things will work out. There are going to be failures and frustrations. Heartbreaks and hurdles. But I'm sure there are going to be rewarding and pleasurable moments as well. No matter what happens, it'll build character. And at the end of the day, I would be proud to say: I did something.

Most important message my dad reminded me: If you want to do something, do it well.

I am absolutely beside myself with ebullience. Til the next updates.

-Smile Train Plan still in progress-

LTDJ '09

Le Tour de Johor '09 started off at college. My first task was by Nebbey; head of the penghargaan department. Called me up and asked me if I can do the Token of Appreciation for the government school where we'll be holding the health carnival. At first I was reluctant because I was afraid I would mess it up. And it was going to be BIG (like something from OUR college). And it was going to be on CANVAS! (too excited because I've never worked with canvas before). Nebbey even offered to buy acrylic paint (which is just too awesome) but I declined because I can't control paint very well- so I just asked for markers instead.

I didn't expect it at all but Nebbey went so far as to get an AWESOME marker- which says "For Graphics Artists" (it makes me shiver inside just reading that). Plus a refill. And it has TWO tips- fine and broad. So of course, doing the poster, I had to ask the expertise of Atikah Amin:) But in the end, I'm glad I agreed to do it anyway because I was rewarded with the amazing art marker.

The LTDJ isn't actually all about the poster. But for me, half of it was:P

Friday 18th: It really started the next day at 7am. We set off to Johor and enjoyed ourselves at a waterfall at Gunung Ledang. Then we headed to the school SK FELCRA, Bukit Kepong Tangkak where the Foster Family Ceremony was going to be held.

Truthfully, my biggest worry was that I would have to interact with my foster family in malay. I thought I would have to do the "wanita melayu terakhir" act. Seen, not heard. Do all I can and be helpful, not be a hindrance and still be accepted despite the (hidden) fact that I cannot converse that effectively in malay.

But little did I have to worry. Because my foster mother was like (as described by the MC), a battery which never needs to be charged. Because she's always on full power. Honestly, Mak Ida never stops moving, she's always here or there and she's like the MOST active and talkative person around. So I didn't have to worry about anything because all I had to do was listen (which was really enjoyable!) and stick in comments here and there.

She's a really sweet lady and her husband (Papa Mairon) is also just as adorable. The kampung life is really a relaxed one. Though living IN the house itself ss nothing new to me because Maknek's house is also kampung-like.

From left: Wanda (LTDJ Participant also living with me), Mak Ida, Papa, me infront of their house:)

Saturday 19th: My reason for heading to LTDJ was because I was under the Basic Life Support (BLS) team. So what we did was just to teach the community there how to perform basic life support (in malay- Kelas Asas Kecemasan). The night before, I was struggling with all the BM words and practicing with kak tqa. It wasn't JUST a tongue twister; it was like a jaw breaker. Laluan pernafasan, posisi pemulihan, nadi (which I always confused with nada)...

Basic Life Support Class setup. Mannequins set in a row.

I also watched the Sunathon (how boys were circumcised) and it was really amazing. I think that's the first surgery I've ever watched... I didn't get in the Sunathon team this year but insyaAllah next year! Doing a surgery have never been more exciting... especially imagining doing a cleft lip repair...

Anyway, back to LTDJ, after that we had some sports (no kidding, the kampung makciks are really something at sports!)

And that night I learnt how to make kuih koci. We made more than a hundred because it was for the breakfast for the participants for the next morning. I was so good at folding the banana leaf that my foster mom said that I can be the wanita melayu terakhir. I laughed:P

Sunday 20th: It felt like an EXTREMELY short trip. On the morning of our departure, we were treated to have a look at the police station at Bukit Kepong (apparently a very famous one- bad bad alia for not knowing the Peristiwa Bukit Kepong).

Wanda and I were given huge hugs and kisses from our foster mom- with lipstick all over our cheeks.

The last image of the community, of our trip to Bukit Kepong, of the LTDJ trip, was of my foster mother jumping up and down, waving gifts and blowing kisses.

A wonderful end to a wonderful trip:) Truly unforgettable.

I played

Ahh so many things to write about. Finally got my hands on my laptop.

Today we finally played the match after it was postponed twice.

After the match, I sat down on the bench. All so full of myself.

A teammate walking by the court shouted: Alia! Menang ke tak?

I shouted back all gleefully: I played!

So here's a lesson in sportsmanship. It doesn't matter whether you win or lose. What matters is that you turn up so that your house doesn't get automatically disqualified and you look like a non-spirited participant.

But yes, I did not win.

Neither did I lose. Because it's so exhilarating just being there on the court. I know the situation I was playing in. I won because I know I did my best.

Ooh I'm so proud of myself:)

500, 000th

I just love getting emails from them.

Hi,

16 days left in the year. And what a year it has been.

Winning an Oscar for our film Smile Pinki in February was huge. Celebrating our 10^th year anniversary was great.

But by far the best thing we did this year… was operate on our 500,000^th child in March.

No other organization - non-profit or for-profit - in the world has ever changed so many lives through surgery in such a short period of time.

And we could never have done it without your help.

500,000 is an almost impossible number of children to comprehend or appreciate or even visualize.

But think of it this way.

If all the boys and girls we have operated on stood on each other’s shoulders, they would stand higher than the Empire State building.

(Higher than 160 Empire State buildings to be exact!)

If all the children we have helped held hands in a line, that line of boys and girls would be 40 miles long.

If they all picked up the phone and called you at your home to say, “Thank you for changing my life,” and each call took just 3 minutes, it would take you more than 4 years to speak to all of these kids. (That’s assuming you answered the phone every 3 minutes and you didn’t sleep or eat.)

It‘s fun figuring all the different ways to visualize 500,000 happy smiling kids.

What is not so fun is to visualize all the children we haven’t helped.

Yes, believe it or not, 40 miles of children smiling and holding hands is not enough!

On behalf of all 42 employees here at The Smile Train, (17 of which are on the front lines in developing countries and working out of their homes) I thank you for your support and I wish you and your family a very happy and healthy New Year.

Thanks for helping us change the world one smile at a time,

Brian
Co-Founder/President

P.S. If you have any suggestions or comments or criticisms, please feel free to email me back directly. I actually do read your emails and appreciate you taking the time to let us know what we are doing right and wrong.

brain

What many can relate to.

What I can relate to for anatomy; especially embryology. *shivers*

daughter

Encounters with adults in the presence of my parents has caused me to generate a theory. Three theories in fact.

Whenever I walk with my mom, we look like sisters. Many girls can relate to this fact. But it's happening a bit too often. For example, at my mom's reunion with her ex-primary schoolmates, after they all screamed when they met each other, they glanced at me with an expectant look. I knew what was coming. I wait for it and... "This is my daughter, Alia." And with this comes the usual wide-eyed plus the hand-clutching-heart gesture and a shriek of "This is your DAUGHTER???" and usually followed by the inevitable "How old are you?" I smile.

I am quite used to this routine by now. It is almost predictable. At one point, I guess I would just take joy in watching their shocked faces and gasps of bewilderment. Honestly, I guess it's an experience.

Well, I thought I can handle it every time we meet with relatives and friends because I normally stick with my mom.

But it's a whole different story if someone says it when I'm with my dad. Because that is totally stretching it.

I never knew the day would come but it did. We were at a mini grocery store and we were getting some stuffs. When my dad wanted to purchase some more snacks for the "hungry ones back home", I whined and said that we already had more than enough. The cashier who was near me smirked and said: "Biarla abang belanje." I did not smile.

I turned around and stared at him because I could absolutely not process what he said and my dad, leaning at the counter said jovially; "Oh, this is my daughter."

The guy's pupils practically dilated and he froze for a second. And he sheepishly smiled and said "Oh ye ke?" And when my dad casually added, "She's my third child.", the cashier squeaked out a (nervous) laugh. I think he would probably have a cardiac arrest if my dad revealed that he has 6 kids.

So here goes theory 1:

I look older. This theory I'd prefer to push aside. Because how can a 19 year old look like a 47 year old? Except of course I wouldn't since my parents don't look like they're in their late 40's.

Theory 2:

My parents look younger. This is a more likely theory. Considering my mom's biological age is 25 (proven). Plus my dad swims EVERY morning so he looks fresh all the time and not at all haggard. That's where his fountain -or rather swimming pool- of youth comes from. They just look younger; that's it.

Theory 3:

They've never seen daughter-parent relationship like how we interact. Another plausible theory. I mean, I joke and laugh and don't roll my eyes at my parents. I suppose this would cause their minds unable to render the fact that daughters can actually get along with their parents as if we're besties.

Well, confronting eye-bulging, mouth-gaping people are a norm to me now. It is rather interesting to see the various yet similar reactions people actually come up with. It's either the "O-M-G" slow-mo if they are able to manage some kind of verbal communication or the I-am-too-shocked-to-even-comprehend-what-information-registered-just-now. So far, none has been more interesting of a reaction than the cashier dude.

Bottom line is though, I love walking with my parents. Being around them. Letting them "feel" young. Haha:P

For me, I just smile:)

Moral of the story:

Swim 25 laps everyday.

Or like what my dad says:

Don't walk with your parents:)

home

It's 1:20pm.

I am sitting on the veranda at Janda Baik. Nestled comfortably on a round rattan chair. Listening to "Thank you Allah" by Maher Zain. Everyone is lazing inside the house; simply because it's the perfect time to laze. It's too hot to do anything. But it's the heat that makes you appreciate the occasional heavenly cool breeze.

The garden in front has attracted butterflies. There are two yellow ones fluttering around the petunias. (Or at least I think they're petunias... Does it really matter?)

The river in view flows steadily downstream; there are no telltale signs of the huge splashes and water flow disruptions that my brothers and I did this morning. The only give-away would be the wet clothes hung on the ledges to dry.

My Behavioural Science papers are all sprawled on the study table inside. Opened, looked at, but left almost minutes after my commencement.

The cool air is blowing more and more now. And the heat has lessened. Maybe because the clouds have shifted.

And I think: This is perfect. I'm home.

jubilee mission

I like this:

"We spare competition to share competence and JUBILEE MISSION is an all-human’s haven"

The Poor Man's Hospital

First Aid

Today was supposed to be uneventful. Well, at least that's how it started.

We went to a wedding in Bidor, my uncle's wedding (my dad's cousin) and then we went to my dad's childhood-friend's son's wedding. While my dad was catching up with all his friends at the later wedding, my brothers and I waited in the car.

I was happily sketching and exchanging artworks with Siraj when suddenly my dad opened the door and urgently said, "Alia! Is there anything you can do? A lady fell down over there." He pointed near the road towards the other end.

The first thing I thought was: What on earth can I do?? And the second thing I thought about was: Remember Basic Life Support procedure...Danger.. Response..Check Airway, Breathing, Circulation...

I came out of the car rushing to where a small crowd had already gathered. There was a petite old lady sitting on a chair. There were lacerations on her hands and her nose. There was blood gushing out from her nose; and her daughter was holding tissues to stop the blood from dripping everywhere. Ironically, the first thing I thought of was Heamostasis; platelet system and coagulation cascade; which is normal since I've just passed through pathology block. There was a first aid kit next to her. I knelt in front of her and asked what happened.

And I heard the question I've never heard live before: "Is there a doctor here?" and I heard: "She's a medical student." Apart from the daughter who was just holding the tissue to stop the blood from the nose, I was the only one attempting to tend to her wounds.

They wanted to put a plaster but then I said we have to put antiseptic first. All I did was to take the tissues and clean the wounds. When I wiped the blood from her hands, I asked if it hurt and if she was in pain anywhere else (in Malay of course; I guess I can use malay if my life depended on it). She shook her head. Blood was still coming out from her nose...

The weird thing was that, everyone was passing me everything when I asked for antiseptic/ cotton/ water/ tissue, they all immediately gave them to me like I knew exactly what to do.

But in reality, I really did not know what to do. Honestly.

I don't know if what I did was right. I felt so useless and helpless.

But Alhamdulillah, in a moment, the groom's brother got there, who happened to be a 4th year medical student. And there was another lady who was a qualified doctor. They brought her to a car and decided to drive her to a nearby clinic. At that moment, I stepped back. A little shaken and a bit stunned.

I think it was the greatest lesson I've learnt. It wasn't like a huge accident or anything. But when people hear "medical student", you can feel that there's already an expectation. Regardless of the fact that you've only been in med school for only 4 months. And I felt the heaviness of that responsibility on my shoulders today. When people expect that you would know what to do.

I felt so inadequate and so little when I realized I couldn't actually do anything.

In this field, it's no playing business. I mean, we know that we are dealing with people's lives and all. But it didn't hit me til today that every single knowledge would be extremely important. This is not going to be the first and last. There are going to be countless more of these to come; even worse and life-threatening conditions. In the end, I'd have to equip myself with as many knowledge and practices as possible so that I can use them in situations like these.

So that next time, I wouldn't just be there lost; but actually doing something and upholding the trust given.

Can I make it through?

To do: Learn First Aid.

From Smile Train

It's addressed to my dad because I requested that he post the money through online banking. So it's from his account; thus that's why it's addressed to him. Although I would have wanted my name there instead, it's the donation that counts really. RM 178 (52.73 USD) for Smile Train:)

Dear Ahmad,

Thank you very, very much for helping us. Raising money has been getting tougher and tougher in this lousy economy. While the number of kids who need help continues to soar. This year, we expect 20,000 ADDITIONAL children to show up at our hospitals begging for help. Hopefully, with support from folks like you and a little luck, we can keep our record of never having turned any child away.

I want you to know that YOUR donation is really going to make a difference. The surgery you’re helping make possible is a modern-day medical miracle. In as little as 45 minutes, for as little as $250, this surgery can give a desperate child not just a new smile, but a new life.

As a small token of our appreciation, I’m going to send you a picture of a child that you helped. In 2-3 months, expect another letter from me. We’ll put PICTURES ENCLOSED on the envelope so you don’t think we’re asking you for more money and throw it away!

On behalf of all 43 employees here at The Smile Train, many thanks again for helping us help these kids.

All the best,

Brian Mullaney Co-Founder/President

I managed to save enough amount of money long time ago. But finally donated the money... I can't wait to get that picture!:D

much more

Continuation from yesterday's post:)

CHET Presentation was.... unexpected yesterday. Groups were called at random to present their report on their previous visits to a medical or health facility. For the past two presentation classes, M16 was not called up. So this being our final CHET presentation, my team mates were silently praying under their breaths: "M16... M16..." And Allah answered our prayers because ours were the 5th (i think) group to present.

So this time it was me and Najah's turn to present. I started off with an attention grabber and I think I went quite smoothly going over our cognitive objectives. I was looking at the audience- and the unexpected happened. I don't know how and I don't know why but when I made eye contact with her, I smiled and she smiled. And we suddenly burst out laughing.

It's all fine and dandy if we were laughing at a corridor or if we were both sitting at the seats. But imagine this: she was sitting amongst the audience while I was presenting and there were all eyes on me. She wasn't doing anything in particular. We just happened to look at each other and smiled; I guess I've not been hanging out with her for so long... So I laughed. Infront of my batch mates. And the two lecturers conducting the class. They must have thought me insane. Or demented.

And when I finally regained composure, I actually looked at her again and we burst out laughing again. The lecturer actually turned around and asked what was so funny and asked if "there were some people making signs at me".

I've never learnt in Toastmasters how to handle a sudden bursting out into a laughter moment. I lost the momentum there. Of course after my presentation, I strangled her:P She wouldn't like this but... Kak Atikah, I won't look at you the next time I'll be presenting.

Fortunately or unfortunately, my sports match yesterday was cancelled due to the heavy rain. Allah answered my prayers. Not that I didn't want the match to happen; but the fact that please let whatever happens be for the best.

When we reached home from the match though, I was actually still enthusiastic to be outdoors. So I told Najah I didn't want to go in. She looked at me and I looked at her. And she said, "Okay, let's dance in the rain." Of course I didn't dance in the rain but we walked through it to the lake and spilled our heart's contents to our heart's content (This is not a typo).

And fortunately or unfortunately, MMU TMC meeting was cancelled yesterday too.

I think I was having quite a long day; full of anticipation for some things which were not expected. But when I reflect it over, when I see that there are times I can frown and cry- there's just too many other things to be smiling over:)

Like for the fact that many of my batch mates congratulated me over my CHET presentation (although they were quite perplexed at my sudden burst). And instead of the match, I caught up with Najah and we enjoyed the drizzle. And Zahid reminded me that handling a club is not going to be easy and we should be tough and strong through it because these things will happen through our lives again and again. It's good to be surrounded by so many supportive people:)

Like Faz said; Alia, you're only 19. You're going to go through much much much more.

jel

*breathe in* *breathe out*

Presentation.

Match.

Meeting.

One after the other.

I think not a day has passed where my legs have felt any more jelly-ish and my hands more colder than today. I think I'm going to be having tachycardia for the next 24 hours.

leader

"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader."

--- Anonymous

love and hugs

Ummi

Can I say that I had a difficult, hard, trying day today? Can I complain and whine and sulk? Sigh...

No. My dad would say it had been a challenging day, full of lessons learnt and experiences acquired. Hurdles passed and home runs made. Mountains conquered and oceans explored. Yes, he would most definitely say that.

And just knowing that, I'm energized and inspired:)

I always wonder; do my actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more? Because knowing that would be the most rewarding thing...

Two quotes to share today.

One noted from my dad taken from a Toastmasters email:

"The goal you set must be challenging. At the same time, it should be realistic and attainable, not impossible to reach. It should be challenging enough to make you stretch, but not so far that you break."~ Rick Hansen ~

Another from my mom; because she sends all of us quotes everyday anyway.

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable man adapts the world to himself. All progress depends upon the unreasonable man."
- George Bernard Shaw

Lesson: Know when you need to be reasonable and when it is better to be unreasonable.

love and hugs

Ummi

Therefore, set unreasonably challenging tasks which will not break you yet allows the world to progress... one way or another. Nah, don't take that advice from me. The quotes can't be interwoven.

Hello Patho Week 4

Pathology Week 3 (last week) was quite relaxing. I should have known why. Because obviously after an easy week would come the final hurdle.

Last week: No final assessment. Holiday on friday. Only 3 lecturers and 2 practicals. It was heavenly. Except that's all it will be.

Because here comes Patho Week 4: Final Assessment. Pathology Finals on friday. 2 lectures and 2 practicals. Mandarin test. TM Meeting. Sports. CHET Presentation. BLS Fundraising. SCTLs. I really wonder how some of my seniors do it...

Oh yes, gotta digress a bit. Alhamdulillah I made it to the Basic Life Support Team:) Very surprised because it's something I can only dream about. Why? I guess for the BLS exam, I didn't think I'd be able to make it through (especially the theory exam; they were slightly unexpected; no wait- they were totally unexpected). So InsyaAllah will be heading to Johor for Le Tour as part of the BLS team in mid-December.

Oh, I met Zi today. She's a very sweet person; I can feel an aura around her (lol)- and I wonder why I've not noticed her before.... Even though we've been in the same class for the past 4 months, it's the first time I've ever met her (how embarassing). Anyway, she passed both the Sunathon AND BLS exams and is offered to go under both teams but priority is given to sunathon so she's in BLS no more. Honestly, I find it so amazing that she managed to pass BOTH exams and she's still striving for the medical checkup exam. Unlike me, who dropped both sunathon and medical checkup because I felt that there were just too many other things on my plate. I suppose that's my decision and insyaAllah next time there will be other opportunities... You amaze me, Rozila:)

Anyway, back to Patho week 4; since "After every hardship comes ease", there comes our 1 week midterm (at least I think it's midterm) holiday after that:) And then Behavioral Science it will be.

I joked: I inspired someone in their moment of great need:P

and he said: you always do and always will.

19 with a BANG!

Yes, my 19th year of living in this earth really literally began with a BANG! Well, not immediately though. And here's what happened:

1130pm, 25th Nov: I was already so tired. My eyelids were very heavy; after compiling the Terms to Know for the next class and finishing off my reflective diary. I seriously couldn't stand it anymore and had to retire to bed.

1150pm, 25th Nov: Dibo gets up and dresses up and Cah comes into the room and opens the window because the room feels so humid. I'm too tired to think.

0001am, 26th Nov: I was falling asleep. The fans are suddenly turned off. Someone says "Alia~". Through a half conscious mind, I saw Faz holding a chocolate cake with two candles... And SUDDENLY, lights switched on; there was an explosion! Well, not really, more like 'pops' of balloons and confetti flying all over my bed; aaaaand my housemates jumping with colourful balloons singing "Happy Birthday!:D"

0005 am, 26th Nov: We all gather in the living room and devour the chocolate banana cake from secret recipe! (which I found were stowed away for safe keeping at our neighbour's house- you guys are good neighbours~) I cut the cake, we took lotsa pictures and played around with the vibrant-coloured balloons (i think the balloons must have been the highlight of that night!).

0030 am More pictures taken! Things got a bit crazy. What with the unearthly hour and the increased endorphine availability. We jumped, shouted, laughed and all was relatively at peace... until Faz squirted me with Najah's newly bought water gun! So I couldn't resist! Got a cup and filled it to the brim with water~ You can imagine what happened next... Let's just say we had a long water fight after that:P I think we must have been a bit too loud because the next day, our upstairs neighbours asked us if we heard any hysterical screaming the night before (yikes!).

0100 am Things finally calmed down a little. I tried to go back to sleep. But to no avail. I was too hyped! The awesomeness and ultimate sweetness truly touched me. I couldn't sit still anymore lol. I couldn't BELIEVE that my housemates could (ACTUALLY:P) bring up with something as awesome as this!

Fifi's amazing photographing; Faz and Cah's water fight; Njh & Dibo staying awake (eventhough I know you guys were really tired) truly absolutely touched me. Sara, it would have been more if not just as awesome if you were there too:D Thank you for not throwing eggs and flour at me; I love you guys more for that:) hehe.

0300am Finally I fall asleep~

It was an amazing night. Totally unexpected. An amazing start to 19. You guys are all AWESOME!

Morning; more surprises await:) Birthday wishes from lotsa people! A really sweet card from Team M14 (no words can say how much it means to me. thank you!); lunch with my team; lunch with aki and pressies and parcels (from abroad!); poems and text messages; something from Kosa on my table at home (Kosa I love it! It's what i needed!); a card and surprise in my cupboard from siraj; and influx of birthday wishes on facebook! Absolutely awesome.

Yes, 19 started with a BANG! And hopefully a bang it shall be throughout!:D

Thank you all!~

far

One of the best things about being 'far' away from home is that you get pampered more often. (I placed inverted commas on far because those who knows me would scoff at my statement. I'd say Ampang is relatively far from Cyberjaya).

For one, I get to be picked up by either my mom or dad at the end of the week. During the 45-minute drive, I get to let out all my frustrations, dissatisfactions and emotions. Not only do they make me see sense, but they listen- like really listen. I'd have to say that the drive back or to ampang would be where I have the most quality time with them. And before we know it - "oh! we're here already!"

The best thing of course would be that you appreciate things from home which you don't really appreciate when you're at home. Sometimes when my dad drops by to his cyberjaya office, he'd always take me out to lunch or early dinner or bring some things along:)

This morning though, I was waiting for my Graphics Tablet which I asked my parents to pass to Aki (seeing as to how I didn't go back to Ampang this weekend). And instead of just my beloved Wacom Graphire 4, there were also a packet of keropok, camera that I left at home, aaaand: Discovery Channel's LATEST magazine:D

So, I had a pleasant time munching on the keropok while flipping though the magazine just now. Thank you Ummi and Ayah:)

So yes, living 'far' away from home has its pros and cons. But if you get to go home every weekend (like me), be picked up by your parents and get occasional treats, it's definitely pros over cons:)

*smitten*

i miss you.

purpose

By the end of the first block in CUCMS (which is around 1 month after entering 1st year), I was kinda getting restless with the lack of activities I was involved in. I wanted to do things, organize events, discuss problems, find resolutions and meet with people...

Little did I know that I would be involved in a lot.

I think especially since last week I started getting myself into too many things and found that it was detrimental to my emotional state. I also thought that it might be affecting my pathology block. So I had to drop a few things- of course reluctantly.

Surprisingly, when I got the results for the first two pathology assessments, they were relatively remarkably high. Not high in terms of overall in comparison to everyone else. But I felt it was quite high despite the fact that patho block was when a lot more responsibilities piled up on me.

I think the fact that there were more things on my list encouraged me to have a sense of urgency (Ustaz Nijam's constant reminder). So I didn't laze around (which sometimes influenced me to not do my assignments also). Instead, I was always on my feet and having to think ahead to make sure that everything would be organized and in order and so that my time would not be wasted. Sometimes we think that having more things to take care of means having less time to study; but to me I think it's just the opposite. The more things I have, the more motivated I am.

Sometimes in class I feel like I'm too saturated to listen and tell myself that I'll just read up after class. But then I'd have to attend this meeting and that and more things to do so in the end, I remind myself there's no other time to study than right there and then in class. Sometimes I get too lazy to do mindmaps before the class; but I tell myself that during the finals, I'm gonna get so stressed out because there are just soo many topics to focus on; so the mindmaps would allow me to see the big picture.

I have role models to keep me going as well. Sometimes when I look at my seniors and see how involved they are and how they can balance their priorities, it amazes me. And I think: If they can do that, why can't I? Of course, my most looked-up-to figure would be my one and only Papa:) If I were to list down the things that he has to take care of, it would take up another post.

In the end, it's about what your purpose in life would be. After just completing a Khalifah Training Session, this is what I've been reminded about. I mean, we know about our purpose in life (or at least some of us do) but we forget a lot. And the activities and events that I do; as long as they're in line with my purpose of life, I should keep at them:)

Just realized my post is a little disorganized and my train of thoughts aren't exactly smooth. Guess it's what happens when there's so much in mind and you want to try to pen them all down.

Resolution

Outcomes of acute inflammation may be:

1. Resolution - back to normal; tissue regain structure and function
2. Suppuration- pus formation
3. Organizational Healing- replacement by granulation tissue
4. Progress to Chronic Inflammation
   
   

Alia's outcome of emotional breakdown:

1. Resolution - back to normal

:)

IKEA

Saturday morning my parents and I went for a talk on cancer at UTAR. After that my mom had a reunion with her ex secondary school mates. So after we dropped her off, it was just me and my dad left. He did earlier suggest that we go to Borders or MPH at the Curve. But when we reached the shopping complex, the words IKEA jumped out at me. And after my dad said that this is the biggest IKEA in Southeast Asia, we ended up heading there instead.

I have to be honest. As shocking as this may sound, I've not been to IKEA for more than a decade. So you can imagine my "jakun-ness". We headed to the restaurant first and I was quit amazed with the food trolley. Anyway, we had a mouth-watering

time making a choice. I'd recommend taking the salad; simple said, it is marvelous. And that's saying something coming from me; seeing that I am not very fond of starch-y nutrients.

After lunch we walked around the top floor. It makes me dream of having my own house and having all the interior designs of IKEA. I love especially the kids section. I mean, the layout and design had bright and vibrant colours. There was this one cupboard (which I can't recall the name now). The design grabbed my attention; but I don't think I'd be having something like that in my house. It was covered with words, quotes, drawings. It reminded me of Najah actually. At the same time, it stimulated my "arts and crafts" side to do something big like that.. I have yet to locate a time to do it though...

When we headed down, there were all the small items etc. I went quite wild (or rather wide-eyed) when we saw the towels (or at least I think they're towels) section. It was so... rainbow-ish! Colourful. Vibrant. For some reason, it induced endorphins seeing an array of colours neatly stacked in the form of...towels. As funny as that may sound...

We didn't actually purchase anything except a big clock for the surau and a few sprays (do not ask why). It was really nice just walking through the whole of IKEA though. Very rarely do I ever walk around a store of which I have no particular item to get. But IKEA had a lot of extremely amazing designs.

Overall, a wonderful father-daughter bonding time. Thank you Ayah:)

Achieved!

My Goal has been Achieved!:D

What is it you may ask?

Personally saving from my allowance to raise my targeted $50 (RM 168.33) for the cost of medication for a cleft lip and palate surgery for the Smile Train.

The cost of a full surgery would be $250 (RM 841.63); which I thought would be a bit too high for me to personally save for. Half a surgery cost ~RM 420. The lowest I could target was the medication at $50. At least I was heading somewhere.

When I found out about it around mid last year, I started saving bit by bit. But it wasn't a really focused effort; I just kept however much I didn't use for the week (usually less than RM10 though). I reached RM 80+ but after that it was placed aside and it somehow left my mind... I felt like rm 168.33 would still be very far. At one point, I felt like giving up the aim and just save for the sake of saving.

Earlier on though, when Alina found out about my plans, she contributed:D So when I wanted to just use the money for myself, I remembered how Alina had given me a sum of money and that I should continue my...quest. Thank you dear, you are the reason I kept on going til now.

So yes, I rolled up my sleeves and went to work. The past 5 weeks, I've been really focused on living frugally; cooking daily, starving at times, and ignoring my so-called worldly desires (eg saying no to Cincau or buns for a snack).

Also, thank you soo much Zahid for contributing during my 'homerun' (the final amount of money) You're helping me help change the world one smile at a time:)

Anyway, I actually saved more than what I had targeted! So I am extremely extremely happy and proud of myself:D

Next phase of my grand plan is still in its planning stage (kenape lame sgt ni?:P)...

There's a quote that goes: To get anywhere, we have to start somewhere.

How true.

thankful

Alrightey, I'm a bitter person no more. T'was a phase. Or at least I think so.

Someone kindly reminded me that:

"Happiness is a journey, not a destination:) how can you know the joy of being on the summit, unless you have first visited the lowest valleys. Remember your thoughts are living bundles of energy ^-^ keep smiling Alia, you are one of the most optimistic people people I know:D"

So, having to live up to those expectations of being one of the most optimistic people known, I shall keep and stay energized, enthusiastic and upbeat throughout even being in the lowest valleys. Thank you:)

Nucleotide Metabolism topic this week opened my eyes and mind to lessons beyond the classroom.

Say hello to Biochem 101:) In order to make the DNA, we must first make nucleotides. And if one enzyme is missing within that process of making nucleotides, it can have absolutely lethal outcome. For example, the deficiency of Hypoxanthine Guanine Phosphoribosyl Transferase (HGPRT), an enzyme.

The outcome of not having this enzyme would be: Lesch Nyhan sydrome. The effects are severe gout (accumulation of toxic uric acid in your body), hyperuricemia, aggressive behaviour and many more. But most horrifyingly is that it causes self-mutilation.

Mutilate: to destroy or injure severely. Oneself. So the people would be biting their lips, their nose, their arms until they bleed and flesh is seen. The thing is, they would start gnawing at their knuckles if you don't place protection like boxing gloves on their hands. Faz opened a video of self-mutilation and it showed a case in Phillipines where this boy was just nonstop trying to bite himself. The doctor was explaining during the documentary (but of course we couldn't understand Tagalog) and snippets of the vid showed the mother crying her heart out. It was heart breaking...

I learnt:

1. To be sincerely thankful that God made my body as a whole. That my one enzyme HGPRT is not missing so that PRPP does not accumulate and IMP nor GMP is deficient in my body. I'm grateful that I can think, eat, stand all pretty much independently without having to worry my parents on whether I'd be ripping out my fingers.

2. That being a doctor in the future, there are so many (scary) diseases and illnesses you'd be facing. You need stable hands, a sincere heart and strong head (ie mind).

3. That one small building block deficient can result to terrifyingly huge consequences.

Most of all, I learnt not to be bitter. Because there are just too many other things to be thankful for.

Grand master plan: 1 more week.

bitter

I feel like I'm turning into a bitter person filled with repressed hurt, regret, and anger:(

Someone save me, please.

I need endorphin boosters. I need a way out.

Absolutely Magical!

Hello Genting Highlands!:)

Toastmasters held its KL Semi-Annual Convention in Genting from 23rd to 25th October. Due to my duties elsewhere and since I was mostly only looking forward to watching the final Humorous and Evaluation Speech Contest, my dad picked me up from Cyberjaya and drove me all the way to Genting Highlands.

It was worth it. As truly in line with the theme, it was "Absolutely Magical!"

And here we are, finally!

I attended the Gala Dinner which was on the final night. Managed to meet a few people but of course, me being only a 10-month old member, was not recognized by many. Just wait til the next speech competition, I shalt be known!:D During the Gala night however, I met Pei Leng (Intelligent Speakers Club) and Choi San (MIM KL and Division P3 Gov) and sat with them for dinner. I had to be separated from Ahmad and my dad. But Pei Leng and Choi San were such dears, explaining things I didn't know and keeping me company throughout:)

Choi San and I:)

This morning's competition was the grand finale of the month long Humorous and Evaluation Speech marathon. This was the magical event I was looking forward to the most because district level's speakers has one of the highest qualities of speeches. Needless to say, I was mesmerized!

My KPI: Marianna Pascal, Champion of Humorous Speech Contest

The Champion for Humorous Speech Contest: Marianna Pascal from a Toastmasters' Club in Johor. Her humorous speech entitled "Local English or Standard English?" revealed Malaysia's colourful rojak language and how foreigners found them extremely hard to understand. Like how her foreign friend was going to work at a restaurant, her manager asked her to make fruit juice with the blender and fruits and instructed her, "Put in the fruits after switch on." (you have to intonate it clearly to see the punch line). But her perplexed friend understood it as "Put in the fruits after you switch on the blender". Of course, a mishap occurred:P the real meaning was the "Put in the fruits after that switch it on." Lol. You had to be there:)

The Humorous and Evaluation Speech contest certainly fueled my spirit to enter the International Speech Contest next year! In fact, my dad has already booked the tickets to Miri for the next convention in May. Of course, it may take a few failures to get to the top but I'm all ready for that.

Toastmasters' ISC 2010, say hello to Alia Nadhirah!:)

Self Reassurance

Dr Hatta, the Dean of MBBS at our university, came by during our case study and gave a short speech. He told us that at this moment in time, some of us might feel that we're unsure that we are in the right course (ie Medicine). He continued: "What must you do? Kene pujuk hati."

So here's my self assurance.

Dear Alia,

Sometimes you might feel that the workload is overwhelming and the marks are not that encouraging. The classes are sometimes incomprehensible and at times even after reading the same paragraph 3 times, you might still not be able to understand. You might not be able to easily remember after only reading once. You may be targeted to answer a question but you won't know. You might be asked something beyond your knowledge and be criticized at your incompetency. You might have to take the plunge and look like an idiot not knowing what to do because you can't recall the examples of ketogenic and glucogenic amino acids. You might be torn in two and have to choose between duty and responsibility.

But it's okay.

Remember why you wanted to take medicine in the first place. Your great dreams- you are now steps closer to changing the world one smile at a time. You are going to fall, you are going to fail, you are going to be frazzled, frustrated and fearful. It's normal. In the end, life is about making a difference. Enjoy the journey and make a change along the way by taking each day at a time and focusing on the present.

There are so many people willing to take your hand to hold you up and just as many to catch you when you experience myocardium infarction and fall to the ground. They are going to be there when you cry and feel like giving in. They are going to lend a shoulder when you feel like the world's weight is on your back.

Don't forget prayer is very important. You've been forgetting that your greatest strength comes from the do'a and Allah's will.

Never give up. When a person truly desires something, the world will conspire to help realize her dreams.Remember, if the going is easy, take care: you may be headed downhill.