the right one

I have finished reading "Does my head look big in this?" by Randa Abdel Fattah. One of the best books I've read; considering I finished it all in one sitting. Well, two sittings- but it would have only been one had I not need to do some work. I love the style- but mostly I love what is written and how the heroine speaks out.

Anyway; may be spoilers ahead for those who's never read it. But here's one of my favourite excerpts (will write more later):

Adam (apparently the cutest guy in school) is about to kiss Amal at his birthday party behind closed doors. From Amal's account:

But he's silent and he stares awkwardly at me. After a few moments he speaks up.

"So you don't date then?"

"Er... no."

"I don't get it... that means you can never live for the moment. You'll always be repressing yourself."

I shake my head. "I don't see it like that."

"Oh come on. Your parents aren't around to hear you. You can tell the truth."

"It's the truth. It's got nothing to do with them. It's what I believe in."

"So if you meet a guy and you like him and he likes you... what happens? You just ignore your feelings?"

"No. But I'm not... look, I don't believe in the 'playing the field' and 'try before you buy' philosophies, OK? I don't want physical intimacy with a list of people in my life. I want it with one person. And I want to know it's the same with him too. That's my faith. It's not about guys slutting around and virgin girls patiently at home for a guy to come along. It's... look, in my religion we both have to be... pure... untouched... you know? Agh! It's so hard to explain... Oh hey! Jessica Simpson kept her virginity before she got married! There you go!"

"Well, you are repressing yourself." I can tell he's losing his temper and I suppose it's because of the rejection and the confusion but the atmosphere is getting more intense and uncomfortable.

"I'm not repressed. I don't feel left out. I can still care and share with a guy without having to get physical with him."

"How will you know how to find this chick obsession with 'the one' when you've never even been with a guy? Never even kissed a guy?"

"There's no formula to love! If I got with ten guys, each time will be different and each time I'll be thinking this is a risk. And when I finally meet someone I'm still going to be facing the biggest risk of my life but ten other experiences aren't going to tell me if this guy is the right one. Each person is... too unique to be judged by ten others."

"That's crap. You need experience. How will you know if he's the right one if you don't know who the wrong one is?"

"So I have to fall to know how to walk?"

"Yes."

"Well, I don't think so."

cracked

I am looking at my laptop whereby only a quarter of the screen is functioning. It says "Copying 6,190 items from Desktop to My Book : About 4 hours and 17 minutes remaining"

Now, you would probably be wondering why the 3/4 of my screen is non-functioning and why exactly I'm transferring all my files for backup. The story, I shall indulge.

Long story short: Last night I was so sleepy, I placed my laptop onto the floor. Woke up and stepped on my laptop. How clever eh? Screen cracked. White and black blotches everywhere, and a one point crack at the bottom left with the lines reaching out to the edges of the screen. Yknow, like how a window would look like when you throw a baseball at it; you can see the web pattern.

I was horrified. Stupefied. Paralyzed. Horrendously shocked. "Eyes bulging out" kind of moment. No way was all I whispered...

Lesson learnt: Don't be careless. God is teaching you a lesson. Hikmah sebaliknya...

Tomorrow heading out to get my laptop fixed... Hang in there my dear...

Does my head look big in this?

*in a blogging frenzy!*

On a last minute decision, we dropped by Midvalley on the way back from our hometown last night. Only one thing can stop my dad from making a detour from his every meticulous one-year ahead planning; which is the big sale at MPH Bookstore.

With no book in mind that I was searching for, I browsed around fiction, fantasy, thriller... and stopped abruptly in my tracks at "General Reader" because the title "Does my head look big in this? by Randa Abdel Fattah" immediately caught my eye. And suddenly I felt like this surge.. that sometime (quite a long time ago) I was so hyped up on wanting to read the book and then I sort of forgot about it. I became really excited at that moment. Never in my life had I feel such a feeling like.. finding a lost memory.

I started reading the book this morning and it is an absolute page-turner; that i can assure. I've only reached chapter 8 but with a heavy heart, had to put the book down to get some work done. The story is about a 16-year old Australian-Palestinian who is in a conflict as to whether she can face wear the hijab "full-time"; this together with still keeping her friends and getting the cutest guy at school. It would be quite difficult for some Malaysians to relate to the book, since we live in a society where everyone is very much used to the hijab.

But incredibly, I can relate to a lot of the things written in there well. As I read it, it brought a lot of memories from my childhood- having spent my primary schooling years in an International School. Although we lived in the Middle East, the school I attended had all the teachers and students coming from England, Scotland, Nigeria, Holland etc. So I did pretty much live in that kind of environment where it's like living in a society where you are the different one.

It brought a lot of memories especially when I remember those moments where my "Islamic side" stood out. Take for example when I was in primary 2, the teacher asked us to bring music- at that time, I was not entirely sure why, and later I found out that it was for the game Musical Chairs. My biggest worry at that time was not that they wouldn't be able to accept the songs I listen to-but rather the fact that our family listened to Nasyids; and I was worried they wouldn't understand the Malay-lyrics of Raihan's melodious singing. So I got the cassette (yes, that was more than a decade ago) to an English song- which is I cannot recall at the moment- so that when it was played, at least they get some kind of meaning. Alas, the cassette having its never understanding "side A, side B" issues played the different side and we were all rounding the chairs to the malay-singing nasyid.

Other moments included having to sit in a different classroom while everyone were eating during break during Ramadhan. I got really annoyed when there was this one boy who kept asking me why I wear a scarf. I wasn't that smart at the time, so I had no powerful comeback I could have retorted. What more me being an awfully timid child at the time (who would have believed it lol!). There was one time, a different boy kept pulling my scarf when I was on the school van and I always teared-up upon reaching home. My mom was very much puzzled as to why I would be sulking until she found out what was actually going on. She did what any mom would do- and I never got bothered again.

My friends wore shorts and baby tees and I was always with the hijab. It wasn't that lonely since Nurun too wore it. And I think that's mainly how we became really close.

I didn't feel that 'oppressed' or 'disturbed' though- maybe because I was not yet a teenager; and still far away from my egoistic phase. Besides, we were all kids. And like all kids, we looked beyond everything. Sometimes I get comments from my teachers about my "lovely brooch".

I was invited to birthday parties, we laughed, we joked, we did sports and I was just like the rest of them. In the world we live in today; where people think veiled Muslimahs are a sign of oppression and terrorism, it makes me smile thinking that I was so very lucky to be able to experience a time and place where that peace existed- and hopefully still exists and forever will.

2 seconds

Imagine entering a competition 2 seconds before the event begins. Sounds crazy? It does. And here's what happened.

My family attended the MIM Toastmasters Humorous and Evaluation Speech (HES) competition just to support Ahmad who was competing in both contests. In the end, just before the evaluation speech contest, there was a shortage of contestants and Grace approached me to join; of which i instantly declined as I've never done an evaluation before. Imagine doing your first ever evaluation in an Evaluation Contest itself! So I immediately say: how about my mom? So they were fairly satisfied and got her in. After a few minutes, Chong Beng (one of the contestants) approached ME and asked "Alia, why don't you join?" and again, i justified I have no experience whatsoever but when I looked questioningly at my dad; all he said was "Go for it!" And that's how i ended up signing on the dotted line exactly 2 seconds before the event began.

Listened to the 7 minute speech. It was all thanks to my dad who gave me the guidelines of A B C D: Attention, body, conclusion and Delivery. Thus, I was able to elaborate from there. Got quarantined for 5 minutes to wrap up our notes. And then 15 minutes to wait since there were 5 other contestants since I was the final speaker. After the contest though, I ended up crying. Not because of disappointment- but perhaps due to being overwhelmed. It was all kind of sudden and I couldn't hold it in. But many people came up to me, congratulating and saying that it was such a fantastic evaluation- what more it being my first ever evaluation. All for the experience.

Results: Ahmad won 1st place for Humorous Speech, and 2nd place for Evaluation Contest (he entered for both). And my mom won 3rd place for evaluation speech contest. Oh yes, I am so very proud of both of them:)

For this weekend, we went back to our Auntie's house to visit our grandmother. Nothing much to say except with pictures:)

Safi with his very impressive skills of getting close to kids. He can tame the most shy child - aka Syabila, our youngest cousin. I don't know how he does it. Kids all over just open up to him. As you can see, she is every squirmy when Ahmad tries to approach her. But with safi, she's just natural. She doesn't even allow ME to hold her when Safi tries to give her to me. Of course, Safi's just killing my ego - for the fact that we both know she doesn't want me to hold her.

Eating lunch out. We did not plan it out but it was a coincidence that we were all wearing blue! As well as Ummi and Ayah:)

Am learning to sketch with a pen now. Didn't realize so many things can be drawn with Marina Mandarin Singapore pen. Hotel pens are the best. And when you have a sketch book. I am ever addicted to it (thank you nurun for the sketchbook:D)

My weekend summarized.

The Undeserving Day

I love blogging. I honestly do. How do you think I reached 229 posts today since I first started out last year? It's just that now that holidays have taken over my life, I am more busier. Yes, you read that right. So many things i've set out to do and they are being fulfilled one by one!

So, the biggest thing that we were meant to look forward to; The NPC. National Physics Competition. Oh it was a breeze! I mean, I don't understand why on earth I was fretting on it in the first place. Just a piece of cake! I took one look and my pen worked on its own; filling out the answers for all the four questions within those 2 and a half hours.

Yes, that's what I wish I could have written. That's what I wish HAD happened- but then again, we wish for a lot of things in life. SO here's what actually happened. I shall relate the story in 3rd person because I am too depressed to refer to the person as myself.

The day before the National Physics Competition she went to her friend's house to get the mood pumping and fill all her bodily fluids with study and caffeine. Alas, what do you expect can be done within 17 hours before the competition itself? Finish and complete the Giancoli book from cover to cover? If only... if only...

So for the first time feeling so unprepared and not confident for the exam paper, she entered the exam hall, took her seat and looked at the first question. Law of thermodynamics. Okay, second question: Work. Moving on to third question: Projectile Motion.... And the final question: Momentum. The worst thing was that the question were barely understood. Even if you wanted to 'bantai', you couldn't. That's how bad it was.

Barely an hour passed, she felt like crying, could do no more and raised her hand up. "Please can I submit my paper?" she uttered. And before she handed the paper, the lecturer who took it said "Can you wait until the end of the exam? You are going to be treated to lunch." Her mouth was agape and she wanted to voice out "I don't think I deserve to be treated." But she closed her mouth back and nodded meekly. She walked out of the room and, in a daze, sat down on the bench outside. What else was there to do? Took out her sketch book and started doodling the scene infront of her. Killing time, waiting for her braver exam-mates.

An hour passed and they came. Also exasperated, exhausted and feeling much guilty of their performance - or lack of it.

Lunch came, and the exam candidates who sat for the competition (4 of them) were treated to a hearty lunch with the lecturers and they were called the "Guests of Honor". Which apparently made her feel even smaller and guiltier. These exam candidates were commented to being "role models" and it was a relief to know that "all-rounders exists". She would have felt better shrinking and climbing into a hole. And then her lecturer added, "Alia, I have something to tell you." She freezes. "Actually, I think you are a genius." Genius??? "In drawing. You're really good in drawing and I admire the way you draw." She felt like running away. Far far away. She did not deserve it. Any of it.

And that is why 30th July 2009 is called The Undeserving Day.

sharpies!

Apparently I am getting subtle hints on my chatbox on the right about my lack of updates. Is it my personal updates people want or just the fact that I'm writing about some random things? It's not that I do not want to write more- eventhough I'm on my laptop a lot of the times, but it's just that I have been doing other things.

So here goes for this week:

1. Attended Suhaib Webb's talk on Sunday and Tuesday; ie The Prophet in my iPod and Revenge of the Fallen: Facing the Deception. Apart from the unexpectedly engaging and riveting talkby Imam Suhiab, MashaAllah for the first time ever in my life, I witnessed a person reverting to Islam. It was so beautiful. After she said the Syahadah, women started hugging her and I could not help but cry. It was a sight to behold.The sisters all hugging and welcoming her into our big family.
2. Nurun and Anas went back home on Monday night:( Well, pictures can all be found on facebook. But it was really awesome having you guys around:) Next time we meet, Anas will probably be engaged already! Haha. Can't wait to know how Nurun will be like by then *hint hint*
3. We held the Toastmasters Demonstration Meeting last night at Intelligent Speakers. Alhamdulillah, it went on successfully, thanks to the team of experienced speakers as well as our team of EXCO:)and a forced thank you to the self-proclaimed pwnage president.
4. Aaand, I got sharpies:)

Upcoming plans:

• Invocation for MIM Toastmasters
• Attend SIFE National Competition (be a supporter/fan)
• Prepare for Ramadhan, MBBS, NPC
• complete comics and badges for Semarak Ramadhan
  
• try out my superawesome new sharpies:)
  

orientation

Although there is no need to apologise, I would like to extend my deepest condolence to my raging writing self who has been locked away for far too long.

After my exams, we had a two day weekend (normal stuff) and immediately proceeded to having the orientation. Although it was only four days, the facilitators and organizing committee had to come earlier for training and preparations to ensure a smooth sailing orientation.

As the secretary, there was initially not much action work to do; but a lot of paperwork - writing letters, reports, minutes etc. But since I was part of the organizing committee, we were always on 'standby' and can be dispatched to replace anyone anytime.

So during the first day, I had to aid the accommodations department who were short of manpower. Since I was in charge of a house, I had to note down any defects observed and help the new students settle in right at home. However, I encountered a most unexpected remark in the form of a parent complaining about "the state of the apartment and that his daughter had a better offer elsewhere but he sacrificed and sent his daughter here instead." It would have been helpful had I even known how to answer (I was caught in a bind since I had only just entered the house and did not expect any of this)- but it was even more traumatizing for me since everything was in Malay. Thanks to the chief of accommodation who was swift enough to come to my rescue and reply smoothly.

Moving on, there wre no other dramas which left detrimental effects on my well-being. Except planning for the SCTL Presentation. I had to present to about 100+ students a 15 minute presentation on one of the unique components of learning in our college- the Student Centered Team-based Learning. With only two days to prepare the slides, 10 minutes to rehearse my presentation, it was a miracle I could pull it off.

That's me standing at the front there presenting!
Picture courtesy of Wan Safiyyah Nurnajah (for taking the pic) and Amal (for uploading it)

Thanks to the Chief of facilitators who looked throughout my slides and told me which points to focus. And mostly to my benchmarker- Alina Khadijah for sitting patiently with me while I rantingly rehearsed and gave me constructive criticism and post-mortems. You are a wonder, my dear:)

One of the aspects I had to talk about how to present- that is public speaking. I would have promoted Toastmasters and injected into their minds but then again, probably I'll promote it to them soon enough.

One of the slides I did was "Speaking is an art". I'm not so sure if they read through it since I could only stay on this slide for a few seconds. When the Head of Faci Dept looked through, he didn't say anything and none from the audience remarked anything. So yes, It does make me feel like I'm on the way to becoming a top-notch speaker. In due time~

All in all, a pretty fulfilling week - though slightly outdated.

Everyday so far has something on. Phew. It's going to be one productive holiday.