Not afraid to stand alone

~Not afraid to stand alone
Native Deen

I am not afraid to stand alone
I am not afraid to stand alone
If Allah is by my side
I am not afraid to stand alone
Everything is gonna be alright
I am not afraid to stand alone
Going keep my head up high

I am not afraid to stand alone
If Allah is by my side
Everything is going be alright
Going to keep my head up high

Single mother raising her children
And Now she’s a Muslim
Started praying and wearing a headscarf
It Was a healing for her heart

Struggling with no one to lean on
But with prayer she would be strong
Had a job but then she was laid off
Got a better education and it paid off

She was called for a job that she dreamed of
Close by, great pay -she was in love –
They brought her in — told her shes the number one pick
You got the job, but you gotta lose the outfit”

It’s a tough position that you put me in
Cause look at my condition, and my two children
But I’ll continue looking for a job again
Cause my faith and my religion I will never bend

I am not afraid to stand alone
I am not afraid to stand alone
If Allah is by my side
I am not afraid to stand alone
Everything is gonna be alright
I am not afraid to stand alone
Going keep my head up high

I am not afraid to stand alone
If Allah is by my side
Everything is going be alright
Going to keep my head up high

Peer pressure, they were insisting
And I was resisting
Some days…. I felt I would give in
Just wanted to fit in

I know…..when I’m praying and fasting’
They be teasing and laughing
So I called to my Lord for the power
For the strength every day, every hour…

one day there’s a new Muslim teacher
Single mom and the people respect her
Just seeing…. her strength I get stronger
They can break my will no longer

You don’t see me sweatin’ when they’re jokes cracking
Never see me cussing’ with my pants saggin’
I aint never running Yo Im still standing,
I'm proud with Allah til the very end…

I am not afraid to stand alone
I am not afraid to stand alone
If Allah is by my side
I am not afraid to stand alone
Everything is gonna be alright
I am not afraid to stand alone
Going keep my head up high

I am not afraid to stand alone
If Allah is by my side
Everything is going be alright
Going to keep my head up high

Now, I’m a tough one, who can bear their blows
The rest play dumb, they don’t dare say no
Scared of being shunned, but its clear they know
I aint never gonna run, I aint scared no more….

Man, these sisters be resolute
Never stressed when the rest say they wasn’t cute
And the get the respect of the other youth
Come best with the dress yo and thats the truth

These sisters are strong gonna hand it down
So me Im a brotha gotta stand my ground
No fear, Im tough Im the man in town
Peer pressure no more, its my planet now

Others may fall, but Im hold my own
With Allahs help I’ll be strong as stone
And I’ll be the one to let Al Islam be shown
Cause I am not afraid yo to stand alone

I am not afraid to stand alone
I am not afraid to stand alone
If Allah is by my side
I am not afraid to stand alone
Everything is gonna be alright
I am not afraid to stand alone
Going keep my head up high

I am not afraid to stand alone
If Allah is by my side
Everything is going be alright
Going to keep my head up high

One of my good friends sent me the video clip to Native Deen's latest song, Not afraid to stand alone. I admit, it is extremely inspiring and motivating to hear the words and watch the clip. A must watch for all Muslims!:)

~nadhirah
eight twenty two post meridiem
sixth december two thousand seven

I've Learned by Omar Washington

I have learned that...

"...you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them."

"...no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back."

"...it takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it."

"...it's not what you have in your life, but whom you have in life that counts."

"...you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes, after that, you'd better know something."

"...you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do."

"...it's not what happens to people, it's what they do about it."

"...no matter how thinly you slice it, there are always two sides."

"...you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you'll see them."

"...you can keep going long after you think you can't."

"...heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences."

"... there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it."

"... sometimes when I'm angry, I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel."

"...true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance and I've learnt the same goes for true love."

"...no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that."

"...it isn't always enough to be forgive by others; sometimes you have to forgive yourself."

"...no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief."

"...just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other, and just because they don't argue, doesn't mean they do."

"...sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of his actions."

"...two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different."

"...no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get further in life."

"...that your life can be changed in a matter of hours."

"...that when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help."

"...writing as well as talking can ease emotional pains."

"...the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon."

"...it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings, and standing up for what you believe."

"...to love and to be loved."

"I've learned."

~nadhirah
eleven eleven post meridiem
fourth december two thousand seven

Kurikulum Pendidikan Pemandu

Driving Education Curriculum~ IS that how it's translated to English? I'm not so sure. But anyway, I have finally gone to the Driving School (with much complaints with my brother who wanted to walk there but then finally gave in and drove there instead due to the SWELTERING HEAT of the SUN!). On the way, I was just watching him drive and press the brake and accelerator. And when it came to the parking, he said, "Okay actually, I'm meant to do a 3 point parking but it's turned out to be a million point parking; so don't learn from me."

Ahahaha. So that kind of got me laughing even though I was pretty nervous JUST for the sign uP!>_< I went in and sat there myself infront of the women and used all the BM knowledge I know as well as sum up all the courage to register for my driving license. I tell you, it is the most scariest thing to talk in BM and then they look at you like you are actually speaking some Alien Language.

Take for example a few days ago, I went to KL Sentral to have lunch. When I went to this stall, the guy was asking in English what i wanted. So then I said "Saya nak Papaya boleh tak?" And the guy sort of stopped in his tracks and I was wondering what I said wrong. Then I realized that I asked in Malay but then requested for what i wanted in English. Lol! So i was like, uuhhh Betik! And the guy just smiled and got it for me. I bet he was doing all he can to suppress the laughter inside him.

I do not know what exactly I have against BM. Well, maybe I do... 5 years ago, I used to live in Oman and I studied in an international school. All my teachers were British so then obviously when I learnt English, i picked up the accent and slang too. So whenever we came back to Malaysia for a holiday and meet up with my cousins, it sent them laughing in stitches whenever I spoke. And they used to repeat after me; and since I was young that time, I got deeply hurt easily and felt like I was being mocked. Once, my uncle came for a visit and that time I pronounced "dodol" with a slang, he reiterated it with a british slang and all my cousins laughed at me. That night, I cried in bed and swore to myself I would never speak in Malay again. Thus, my fear and abhoration of the Bahasa Malaysia begun.

Many a time, my parents have coaxed me that it is the our Mother Tongue and that I should do best to learn it. I took BM lightly especially because BM for IGCSE is in Foreign Language so I never took the initiative to learn my best. However now it seems like everything I'm going to do from now on would require BM AND talking in that language. I have tried many ways, talking in BM with a friend of mine but it didnt seem to work and it just made me embarassed I cant even speak malay even after 5 years. I've read Malay novels but slept after the first few pages (accept amazingly the books by Ramlee Awang Murshid, recommended by another friend, which kept me thrilled til the end).

I think I'm just going to get used to learning and talking in BM whether I like it or not. Most probably I'd have to learn it the hard way. But that's my fault for not learning it more seriously. Oh woe is me and my BM. InsyaAllah I'll master it. One day:)

~nadhirah
nine post meridiem
fourth december two thousand seven

To do

Well, exam is finally over... Not that it has just recently finished. Actually, it's been over for 2 weeks already!:P I told myself I'd start my to-do list on my 2nd week BUT I had excusitis. Sigh sigh sigh.

For one thing, when I heard that all my friends have started working or studying, I become quite envious since all I'm doing at home is just sleeping (mostly). Sometimes I open my addmaths books. Sometimes read... but mostly sleep:P So now, cut the WHOLE LONG story short, i shall take charge of my life, and DO something! Wish me all the best. Ahahaha.

~nadhirah
five fifty post meridiem
third december two thousand seven

Promises

Are promises really made to be broken, as the saying goes?

Driving!!... not.

Okay, so on Monday I called up the driving school to know about the details and what to do and the procedures and everything. A week ago, my mum said we would go on Tuesday. But then she had class. Then we could go on Wednesday but then my dad was outstation so we couldn't get some particulars that we needed. So then, okay FRIDAY!

For an L License, first of all, a 5 hour course, a computer test and after that a workshop. Next, the JPJ test which you can take it for 14 hours or 16 hours. And finally the P License which is something like the probation period. And the place opens up from 9.30am to 6pm

So this evening, at around 4pm, I was all ready and set to go... My parents were out and my brother was too tired to drive so my dad suggested to just go walk there with Safi since it was around a 10-15 minute walk. We walked and fast-walked (whenever we see men; regardless if they look suspicious or not) and crossed a pedestrian bridge. One interesting thing about me is that I hate pedestrian bridges. Well, not really hate. They are an aid to humankind to cross the road and get to the other side for safety. But why oh why must they make it so high up? Going up the steps, I always freak out that I would fall backwards or something. That's because I'm not holding the rails because I take it that they're dirty (EVERYONE touches them)>_< and when I'm walking on the bridge itself, I will never ever look to the sides, or to the cars down below. I would just focus on the middle and tell myself to keep on taking one step forward. I told this to Safi and HE found it quite amusing. He made this 'tripping act' on the bridge and I screamed out. A good thing nobody was there:P

So anyway, when we reached there, the big sign on the door said: Jumaat Cuti.
I didn't scream or throw a tantrum or whatever. Just took a deep *DEEP* breath. And walked back... Ahahaha.

That was my big walking-to-the-driving-school adventure. Soon, I SHALL get my Driver's License! InsyaAllah:)

~nadhirah
one o-two ante meridiem
first december two thousand seven

Volunteering

I have finally started on volunteering work!:) Well, technically speaking, it is. Yesterday, I volunteered as a fasci at fuddy's mom's Brain Camp held by N Shiki, looking after kids between 6-12 years old. It was from 9-5pm. The camp had a jungle theme and everyone had to wear something with an animal on it (me=turtle!). There were 10 groups, all named after gemstones, for example topaz, opal, aquamarine, diamond etc... Basically, I was in charge of one group and had to help out with anything else needed. Iman was MC . Safi was the DJ and cameraman, Fuddy in charge of another group and Yaya also in charge of another group/

It was really enjoyable, especially since I was doing what I really like; making artsy stuff and learning about new things. We learnt a volcano song.. hehe.. and about Pollination and bumble bees and also about how to make paper!:) Of course the experience of dealing with children is absolutely... interesting. Ahaha. It is also VERY tiring. Having to tend to their every need and just going through will all their ever-lasting energy.. The kids in my group are all very cute kids. There are four of them; Iman, Aqif, Amirah and another boy I forgot his name..but he is really sweet and polite!:)

One funny thing happened. Our first activity was to make cheese. What's meant to happen is that when the milk and lemon mixes, a solid is formed and there's also some solution too. The solid is the Curd and the watery stuff is whey. So we're supposed to filter it and get the curd. We used filter paper and when we poured the mixture in, the curd got stuck and the whey didn't seem to filter out. And the group behind us (Yaya's), had at least their whey dripping down. I took the ice-cream stick (used as a glass rod.. haha chemistry!) to sort of push away the curd to let the whey out. I think I pushed it a little too hard or did it too many times that I made a hole in the filter paper and *GLOOSH* the whole mixture just burst down into the bottle (used as the beaker..Chem again:P) and the kids had on a ghastly this-akak-just-ruined-our-experiment face. I felt so bad and took immediate steps to correct it and I was actually quite amazed that they took the whole thing quite 'level-headed'ly. They didn't freak out or anything (well, not as much as I did). They just said "I think we should get new filter paper" and just went on with everything else. Which was what happened. Alls well that ends well:)
Just being themselves, kids teach you a lot. Anyway, I found out that Fuddy's experiment also had a hole in HER filter paper. So I didn't feel that bad anymore. Phew~

Ooh! At the end of the program, they sang a Birthday song for this girl who had HER birthday that day. And after that a birthday song for Fuddy's brother who's birthday was on that week. And then Fuddy announced to sing ANOTHER birthday song; which was.. for ME. And I really didn't realize what she was talking about until Yaya and Iman started squealing next to me. It was really sweet and I have to admit I was quite malu.. but at the same time, pleased:)

So that's what happened:) And it was really great to see my beloveds again after 1 and a half weeks. It's quite something to think that we're not really going to be able to be with each other much anymore... But that's life. Keep going on. That's what everyone tells me anyway.

~nadhirah
twelve thirty two ante meridiem
thirtieth november two thousand seven