Ummi and Ayah.

Last Friday was the last day of my second year. Currently we are on study break for one month before the huge day comes: Professional Exam 1. 13th June 2011. The biggest (and only) exam for pre-clinical students to enter the 3rd and clinical year. 13th (SAQ), 14th (MCQ), 15th (OSPE) and 16th (OSCE) June will be exams and 17th will be feedback session and announcement of results. We've had briefings at college, multimedia reminders, and the very fact itself continuously interwoven in our facebook updates about the upcoming day.

After our last day, most people planned to go back home and take about a week break and spend time with their family. That was what I had planned too. Until all the "exam" scares and the cold hard truth of the closeness of the exam slapped me hard. I decided that I would only stay at home home for just a day and come back to Cyber on Monday (that's 2 days ago), ready and refreshed to dive into pathophysiologies.

On Sunday when my parents picked me up, this fact didn't come down so well when I told them.
"Ummi Ayah, I'm coming back to Cyber on Monday. That's tomorrow. May I?"
My parents immediately asked, "Why?" and after I told them about me being afraid that I wouldn't be concentrating enough at home, they pondered for a while. My mum immediately agreed that I "really need to focus on her exams because it's so close." My dad just kept quiet.

Then Ummi said, "Alia, if you don't have a table to study, you can take the dining table. We'll eat in a talam or something. And you can leave your books on the table all the time. And if you get distracted by your brothers, you can just tell them that you need time to study." My heart melted.

Ayah said, "Well, I thought you were going to stay home for a week. I've got 3 projects for you." Oh? "The first one starts today, at 4pm. Just you and me- we're going to the KL International Book Fair. There's a WHOLE floor of medical books there!" The other 2 projects he told me when we had lunch at Satay Kajang. My eyes watered.

When we reached home, I was so tired and fell asleep on the sofa. I could make out bits and pieces of the conversation between my parents with my mum defending, "She's too tired to go to the fair. Let her sleep." I think I slept for a while. I woke up when my dad gently woke me up and whispered, "Alia, do you want to go to the Book Fair?" I was groggy but managed a nod. My mum knew how tired I was and wanted me to rest. My dad wanted to spend time with me by going to the book fair. I bought 4 medical books and my dad never said a word about the costs. God knows how costly medical books or any textbooks are.

On Monday morning I had went to see the orthodontist and he tightened the lower braces. I slept in the afternoon and by evening, my teeth had started feeling the strain when your teeth realizes that it's being bound, they sort of rebel. It's like having a toothache on every tooth. And they're throbbing even when you're doing nothing. My parents sympathize immediately and suggest soft foods I can eat. Eventhough he's had a long and difficult day at work, he goes out anyway and gets me porridge.

On Tuesday, I ended up sleeping all day. Because of the tightened braces, it's all I can do to just sleep to ignore the pain. My dad comes home from work in the evening and knocks softly on the door. I smelled durian and asked if there were some more. And my dad said, "Oh. It's finished. But it wasn't that nice this time around. I'll get you nicer ones nanti." My mom came in and hearing the conversation, asked, "Can you eat the durian? I guess it's soft enough." I smiled. And tonight my mum cooked spaghetti. Not beef or rice or hard food. Soft spaghetti. They never stop caring.

Throughout the days I was home, my brothers and my parents would ask, "So when are you going back to Cyberjaya?" and when I tell them that I'm going back tomorrow, my brothers would complain that I'm rarely ever home. My parents would accept it. But sometimes I think they're not okay with it. I'm not okay with it either. And that's probably why I'm up awake right now wondering if I should be going home or not.

I know sometimes we have to sacrifice a lot of things when we're in the medical field. But what comes first? And should we not be looking after our families before we start looking after patients and victims?

The person who complains the most about my workload I think would have to be my youngest brother, Siraj. Just yesterday he asked for my help  to design a poster. And when he came to me just now, he said, "Kak Alia, do you remember I asked you to help me with my homework?" I was reading a textbook and didn't really respond until he stood right next to me and softly asked, "Do you really have that much work to do?" I looked at him and said, "Well, I have  a major exam coming up. It's my professional exam. If I don't pass it, I won't be able to go into my clinical year." He keeps quiet for a while and asks, "Do you really have to take medicine?"

Sometimes I wonder the same too.

Sorry, rewind. The whole purpose of this post was to highlight the dedication and commitment of my parents. How every single act they do, deeply touched my heart. And sometimes I wonder why we're so rebellious and disobedient and rude and unthankful to them. And it's really no wonder why Islam puts parents on such a high position.

I can feel it in my heart, that my thank you's are never enough no matter what I say or do. How can I show to them how immensely grateful I am for everything that they've done. And tonight I feel so ashamed for not being the best daughter and at the same time, so humbled to be their daughter.

Thank you Allah for opening my heart today and making me realize this. Alhamdulillah.